What I HATE About Some Fairy Tale Heroines

What I HATE About Some Fairy Tale Heroines

I’m not saying I don’t like fairy tales and their heroines. They’ve got all those good points like kindness and all that jazz. I’m just critiquing the twentieth century view of some of these fairy tale protagonists and what they mean to me. (I say twentieth because the Grimm Brothers Fairy Tales were more of my type.) I must warn you though that this is written from a very feministic point of view. Of course it is, because I wrote it. (Katrina de Leon gave some ideas. There you go, two man-haters.)

Now, I don’t hate Disney Channel. Or the Disney ‘label.’ Okay, their rendition of fairy tales and the concepts have to do with their audience, which is like, age 1 to 14. So I get the whimsicality. But there are some Disney renditions of fairy tale heroines that I really hate. (Just some, I loved Mulan and Belle.) So here goes...

ARIEL
She was rebellious, I give her credit for that. And she wasn’t as bad as the others anyway. But at some point she was. Imagine angering your father, the King of the Sea, for some human. I know that happens all the time in the real world (except the King of the Sea part) but this way out of hand. She traded her fins and tail and voice for legs, to meet with a man she didn’t even know? Love at first sight. You know what? Take a second look. And make this one longer than five seconds. She risked her whole kingdom and herself for that? I’m all for selfish reasons as long as it doesn’t involve getting out of a cage just to get into a new one. Wow I’m cynical about this. I know. Hahaha! I don’t see anything wrong with that. Ariel, maybe sometimes you have to act on something other than impulse.

THE PRINCESS in the Princess and the Pea
My goodness she didn’t even have a name! I never noticed ‘til now. And what was the thing about the pea? She felt it through a hundred mattresses? I want to know how she even sleeps. If she felt a pea through a hundred mattresses, then, applying ratio, she’d probably feel each bit of dust in every mattress too. And the pea gave her bruises... Awww... Lame. Hey Princess, quit being so sensitive. And give yourself a name. Sheesh.

RAPUNZEL
Okay. “Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your gold hair.” If she had hair that long, why didn’t she just cut it off herself and use it to rappel down the tower herself? And I know there were scissors there... Unless the antagonist just happened to carry scissors on that particular day. Given all that time inside the tower, why didn’t she learn self-defense? WHY DO THEY ALWAYS NEED TO BE RESCUED?! It’s just so frustrating! Girls who can’t take care of themselves. Puh-lease.

SNOW WHITE
Seriously. Didn’t this girl have enough sense NOT to bite that apple? This is Eve in the Garden of Eden all over again. Peace to bible-fans. But I don’t believe the Creation Theory anyway. The thing with Eve puts the female race in an uneven light versus the male race. I feel that it’s a gender-biased story. (Again, MY opinion.) And isn’t not taking food from strangers the first thing that parents teach their kids? Come on. She’s the most annoying thing ever. “I’m wishing for the one I love to come and find me today.” Sheesh. I know this is severely feministic of me but I can’t help it. When I first heard this in full clarity, I remember thinking, “What the hell is wrong with her? Why would she wish for that?” (Yes, as a kid I thought like this.) Why didn’t she wish for something like a way to get out of the castle? Since her stepmom, the standard evil queen, hated her guts anyway? And why would she wish for the one she loves, when technically, they’ve never met? Wishful thinking and immaturity are two different things. Come on, her stepmother was making her wipe the floors of her own castle, and she’s not thinking of a way to escape, if not get even? I know it’s a fairy tale, but it shows poor judgment and lack of character. And it’s just so stereotypical! Frightened girl runs away, finds a house and cleans it, makes friends with the dwarves, dies due to her own stupidity, gets rescued by the handsome prince. There’s that handsome prince again! Sheesh. How annoying. People like her make me like the antagonists better. At least the evil queen had a brain. Guess what Snow White, some people don’t need to be rescued by others. We get by on our own, thank you very much. We have common sense.

AURORA, also known as Sleeping Beauty
First of, in the story, her role was to sleep. Now, I know that’s the plot, but it was so weird! The story was named after her, but the prince had more lines! Even the fairies had more lines. Goodness. Ironically, life imitates art.
Anyway, the prince fought Maleficent, etcetera while she was sleeping. Puh-lease. Lame. And what’s with the last scene? She agreed to marry him without even knowing his name?! Wow. There’s a fine line between whimsicality and practicality and that just about crossed it. Again, poor judgment. Sometimes I get disturbed when children watch this. I don’t want them to think that they can trust someone just because they help out once. Hello. Common sense? Prior to their marriage, they met once. Irritating. Sleeping Beauty, wouldn’t you rather slay your own dragon? Wake up.

CINDERELLA
At first, I thought Cindy was kind of somewhat okay. Then I watched the movies again and realized that there was something severely wrong with her. She was waaay too nice. I know they’re supposed to be nice, but this was too much! And too much of anything is bad. She was such a pushover! She even let the cat push her around. And she needed a fairy godmother to solve her problems for her... If only the rest of us have that luxury. And how many times did she say the word “love” in the three movies? Dr. Gregory House once said that, “They say love is the most important thing. Well, I think oxygen is more important.” I agree with him. And what was the point of her life anyway?
Of any of their lives?
Don’t any of these girls have dreams?
Real dreams. Something for themselves.
Why is “to get married” always the goal in these movies?
Makes me think of the eighteenth century Europe when all the parents wanted their children to get married and that’s it.
That is just so freaking wrong.
Cinderella, love doesn’t make the world go round... Life does.

“I don’t want to be like Cinderella,
Sitting in a dark old dusty cellar,
Waiting for somebody
To come and set me free
I don’t want to be like Snow White waiting
For a handsome prince to come and save me
On a horse of white
Unless we’re riding side by side
I don’t want to depend on no one else
I’D RATHER RESCUE MYSELF.”
- Tata Young, Cinderella