Random Musings: Grocery Episode

Random Musings: Grocery Episode

Since nothing even remotely interesting is happening in my life anyway (unlike some people’s lives *...bitterness!*) I’m just going to write about what I saw today. At the grocery. See how bored I am?!???!!!? I have nothing to write about but the grocery!!! Social life, where art thou?! Anyway...

I figure that people who are inside the grocery can be classified into the following (and these may overlap):

1. The Mothers. They make up about 50% of all the people that you’re likely to see there. They may be accompanied by any or all of the following:
- The bummed out son/s or daughter/s (probably holding a cellphone or listening to their ipod, looking like they’d rather die than spend another minute there.)
- The whining husband (probably asking the wife/mother why the shopping is taking so long. A fine example of the short male attention span.)
- The screaming kid/s (probably belting their lungs out about the insanely expensive thing they weren’t allowed to toss into the cart. “But mooommm....”)
- The maid (probably looking over the “madam’s” shoulder, or pushing the cart... or texting. Maids these days...)
- The older, wiser parent (probably reprimanding the mother/wife for the unwise choices. Sometimes they actually look and sound like product commercials. Life imitates art.)

2. The Grocery Crew. Hey it wouldn’t be a grocery without them, would it? They are most likely one of the following:
- The baggage handler (probably stacking the goods on various shelves. Now, the stacking you’re going to witness would depend upon their mood. There’s the proper tap tap tap of cans; then there’s the blag blag blag. Stay away from handlers doing the latter.)
- The salesperson (probably smiling even though he/she’s having the worst day of his/her life. I sometimes wonder if it’s a job requirement or if it’s a physiological condition.)
- The demo person (probably wondering why he/she can’t just record what he/she is saying.)
- The Security-Guard-in-Plainclothes (probably strolling with a basket of groceries... But you’d know they’re security because they’re constantly looking at everybody else; and constantly putting the groceries back to trade them for new ones. And besides, security people have that air of... I don’t know... security?)
- The Supervisor or The Manager (probably in a different uniform from the rest, probably walking purposefully towards something. Supervisors always walk purposefully. Always.)
- The Cashiers (probably concentrating on something else other than his/her job. Come on, putting money that is never going to be yours into that little machine all day everyday has got to be boring at some point.)
- The I-don’t-know-what-they-are (probably standing around chatting with each other. You only know that they’re grocery crew because they’re wearing uniforms.)

3. The Line Hold-uppers. They’re the ones in the cashier line, digging in their purses/pockets for their missing credit card/wallet, probably laughing nervously. If you’re behind him/her, you are probably the one who’s looking away or smiling emphatically, while thinking of your precious time that he’s/she’s taking up.

4. The Noisy Shoppers. They’re the people who are constantly complaining about something to the Grocery Crew. “Where’s the soap? Where’re the nuts? Why are you so unorganized? Why don’t these have price tags? Blah, blah, blah, blah. Due to the tenet “Customers are always right,” the G.C. can’t strangle them. Oh you know they want to.

5. The Get-out-of-my-way People. Probably one of those after-office ones who seem to feel like the floor was made for their heels to click upon. They could also be the ones who’re simply minding their own business. I don’t know about you but I get out of their way ASAP. Especially when they’re tall. And moody. Some of those heels can be pointy.

6. The OMG You’re here too! Type. Old friends/ acquaintances who happened to run into each other there after a few days/ months/ years/ decades/ centuries of separation. It’s funny sometimes when only one remembers the name of the other. Awkward, much?

7. The Sari-sari Store Owners. They’re the ones who have a minimum of two carts, each fully laden with the bounty of the earth. Sometimes it’s difficult to tell if they actually own a sari-sari store or if they have exceptionally large families. Anyway, I always feel like if I were to bring them to Uganda they’d probably solve the food crisis there.

8. The Basket People. Polar opposites of number 4.They are the ones who are either extremely thrifty, or allergic enough to the sari-sari store to actually go to the grocery to buy a can of corned beef. They have a special cashier lane for that type.

9. You. It’s hard to classify when you’re doing the classifying.