Poetry.

Edo Ot Alinam
- A. Ramirez, 26 March 2010, Manila, Philippines

With the extinct song of dawn she wakes
Those who never fall asleep
She breathes the lilts and troughs
The poisons and perfumes
Of those who walk, purpose with or without
She is in the fresh metal and the dusty mirror
She lives in the gravel beneath the slow train
Her hair is the gray smoke that hangs
Over the million four-wheels and four-footeds
It is the heavy fog that sets over roads
That radiates the quivering heat of her eyes
Her gentle face is pitted and plastered now
She hides your obvious secrets
In the sinuous curves of her nose and cheeks
She speaks the thousand languages
Of the world's thousand slices
While her neck is adorned and strangled
With the collar of her patchwork dress
She wears stolen satin and well-earned silk
Stretch polyester and workaday denim
With endless bare threads underneath
And the seams are heedlessly unravelling
Barely covering insect-ridden shoulders
Revealing paper-brown skin
Perspiring from weather born of fledgling gods
Bedecked with tattoos in olden languages
Curved and dotted letters that stop
At fifty-one bracelets she brandishes
While tottering on small feet
Knees shaking from the impossible weight
Of the potential she never lived
She is on unsolid ground
She has fallen in love with too many ideas
She has forgotten the significant
Remembered the banal and benign
She fights fleetingly and suffers for long
And with the extinct song of dawn she wakes
Those who never fall asleep
She breathes the lilts and troughs
The poisons and perfumes
Of those who walk, purpose with or without.

Are We There Yet?

The summer vacation hasn't officially begun, but the summer vibe is getting to my head. Must be my aunt and cousin's insistence that we go to the vacation house this weekend. I am definitely ready to say goodbye to sophomore year, and to say hello to a new summer job, a long overdue welcome-home party, and books, books, and more books that have nothing to do with Political Science. But before I can have F-U-N, there are still final exams to get through, projects to turn in, and organization matters to settle.

Speaking of which. Yesterday, I signed the org application form for Filipino Freethinkers. I have been waiting for something like this since I became agnostic in junior year of highschool. (This may confuse those who knew me in highschool, since I was a part of the choir, but yes, I was agnostic even then. Note: I have been using freethinker0028@yahoo.com as my email address for five years.) Then I stayed in Cine Adarna for the first Filipino Freethinkers Film Showing, which was amazing to say the least. An old friend and I sat through around four hours of documentaries, short films, and clips of comedy acts about agnosticism and atheism.

I'll stop here to explain, for the benefit of those who gasped at those two words.

Agnosticism and atheism are not synonymous. Agnostics, well, we don't really have everything in common, but we share a questioning attitude towards all religions. Personally, I pray, but I'm never sure to whom or even for whom. We are not afraid to question God's/Goddess' existence. Personally, I believe in the divine creator, but my notions are far from what I was taught in Catholic School. Plus, I don't think there are two Agnostics who share the exact same beliefs. We don't like it when someone else dictates who we should pray to, what we should say, or even where we should go to worship. Atheists, on the other hand, share the premise that God does not exist. Let me emphasize that Atheists are not Satanists, precisely because they don't believe in Satan either. And I will defend Atheists to the death, just like I defend Agnostics, because they are some of the most tolerant, understanding, and genuinely nice people you will ever meet. If you don't know any Atheists then I probably can't convince you, but trust me when I say that when a clash of religious beliefs take place, it is less likely for the Atheist to become violent. Because they, as well as we the agnostics, understand that fighting over God/dess is futile.

The thing about us Freethinkers is we don't try to convert anyone to join our group. Because we can't. One has to arrive at those beliefs alone, and it is a gruelling process riddled with fear and uncertainty. When the first realizations take place, there is often no one to talk to, or if there is, it is only to shoot you down. It requires the courage to question everything you were ever taught, chipping away at years and years of bible studies and memorized prayers, and self-assurance, because you're not going to get it from anyone else. It takes defiance and a certain sense of non-conformity. And the process of "coming out" is just as difficult. It took me around two years of practicing it in my head before I was able to say it out loud. I'm not saying we're better than anyone else. I'm just saying that we go through something that followers of traditional religions never will. We as Freethinkers are required (and when we meet peers later on, encouraged) to come up with our own assumptions about our existence. No guide book, no rule book, no teachers. Except maybe essays by Robert Ingersoll and other prominent freethinkers.

Back to the film showing.

An old friend and I arrived at around 2 p.m., and caught the latter part of "Enemies of Reason," Richard Dawkins' documentary. After that, "fear of being ignored" became a punchline. You may have to watch it to get it. Then there was the Jervais clip on the creation, and his take on the snake's punishment was hilarious. There were other Dawkins segments, but the standout for me was the Mr. Deity series, short comedy clips starring the Holy Trinity. They discussed the problem of evil, where prayers go, the trinity identity crisis, and a lot more. Then there was the short clip, "My Spirituality as an Atheist," which sufficiently described being one with the universe without believing in a divine creator. To a montage of calming scenes and a musical score reminiscent of relaxation videos, the narrator said, "What made the Grand Canyon... Has a name... Plate Tectonics." We thought it was so funny. Unfortunately we had to leave twenty minutes after the feature film "Letting Go of God: Breaking Up is Hard to do," footage of Julia Sweeney's broadway show. Trust me, walking out of Cine Adarna was a struggle. Oh, and I should mention: there was an American businessman and atheist who went to the film showing to talk to us. And there was free popcorn and drinks (too much popcorn, I should say, I don't think I'm going to eat popcorn again anytime soon).

I was surprised at how many of us there were, including professors and alumnae. And on of my favorite UP professors, Ma'am Bea Torre, was one of the members who organized the film showing. I also saw a lot of people I knew who I had no idea were agnostics or atheists.

I still have a lot of stuff to do, and I am weeks behind on my IR readings. Gasp, IR. Ma'am Layador's exams are murder. And Comparative Politics is no laughing matter either. Bye for now.

P.S.: American Idol this year is kind of disappointing. So You Think You Can Dance is way more entertaining.