How To Get Out of Your Chores

How To Get Out of Your Chores
Arguments to try out in order to avoid all the pesky cleaning your parents want you to do

Argument 1: "Not cleaning (insert place, i.e. my room) is my own personal protest. It is my stand against conformity in this socially-constructed world. Once upon a time someone said "Every room should be clean," and everybody followed. It's like a religion, really. The Followers of the Clean Rooms. But I refuse to conform to this standard. Just because everyone else is a Follower of the Clean Rooms doesn't mean I should be."

Argument 2: "My (insert something they always make you clean, i.e. closet) may well be a gateway to worlds unknown... Have you never heard of Narnia??? It would be disastrous if I were to upset the natural balance. Accept it, mom/dad/yaya, my closet is meant to be that way."

Argument 3: "Untidy closets/rooms/desks have character. You really don't want me to turn into Martha Stewart, do you?"

Argument 4: (On washing dishes, and if you're a girl) "For years women have been expected to do the dishes. But I refuse to be subject to this atrocity. You see, this is my small contribution to feminists all over the world who slave for gender equality. Let dad do it or something."

Argument 5: "Why should it matter if I clean or don't clean my room/closet/desk/etcetera, etc.??? Let's be real here. If I don't clean my closet, would it add to global warming?
Would it accelerate population growth (like it needs acceleration) ?
Would it speed up the next ice age?
Would it affect the outcome of the 2010 elections?
Would it bring about the second coming?
Would it make demoted Pluto a planet again?
Would it affect my health in any way?
Would it be detrimental to my grades?
Would it change the current political climate?
Would it make me fluent in Portuguese?
Would it accelerate the invention of time travel?
Would it change the status of Third World Countries?
Would it counter the death of Albus Dumbledore, or the crappiness of Deathly Hallows' epilogue?

So why should it matter if my closet is not tidy?
Why should I spend hours of my life cleaning my room/closet/desk/etc.--hours I could be spending on something entirely more productive? Why should I worry about things that, in the long run, wouldn't even matter?"

Argument 6: "There are so many things that people insist are "extremely, vitally important, and should be done with zeal" but most of them are pointless. Take for example those detergent commercials which make it seem like the ultimate goal of people's lives is the "whiteness" of the clothes. Laundromat, anyone?

Or those other commercials which keep on banking upon the pressure that society places upon women to make their cooking tres, tres, tres bien. Newsflash: they already invented take out. Mario Batali and Bobby Flay are not alive in everyone.

And don't let me get started on those lame hair commercials, whose models are a stone throw's away from being completely computer generated.

The world might well end in a giant explosion of social constructs and unfounded priorities, so unless you want it to, stop making me do my chores."

Argument 7: (The best arguments are found in philosophy. If all else fails, prove the non-existence of whatever it is they want to make you do.)
"Wash the dishes.""What dishes?"
(One can only hope that the said dishes will disappear in a puff of logic.)