Stepford Wives and Other Sexuality Related Things

(Part One, Stepford Wives-inspired thoughts; Part Two, an extremely annoying article I found the other day)

A: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.

B: Men are from Earth, Women are from Earth: LIVE WITH IT.

I read Stepford Wives today.
I know I've told one or two people that I've "been reading" it. In truth, it has been sitting on my desk for a month, on the "read-this-before-buying-another-one" pile, (a label which flatly contradicts what I've been doing, by the way) subclassified under "books-I-can-read-in-two-hours." It's short. Last night when I got home after a frustrating tryst with the bureaucracy, I decided to stay away from all the papers I have to do and just read.

One thing that's been keeping me from reading is that I saw the movie.With Nicole Kidman in it, not the original 1976 one. I was afraid it would be boring. (Note: "Boring" is not an excuse to not read something. Machiavelli's The Prince is boring as hell, but when you're done with it you take away happy little odds and ends of philosophy. I'm not saying you'd like his philosophy, but hey. At least you'd have something to measure Mein Kampf with.)

The Stepford Wives novel is creepier by, say, 45 percent than the movie. Although I would be surprised if it wasn't. I mean, Ira Levin wrote it. Ira Levin of Rosemary's Baby. RB is less creepy than The Omen (I only half-read the novelization, so I guess that counts for that). And while we're on the subject, The Exorcist by William Peter Blatty (novel, not novelization) is infinitely creepier than the movie. It haunts me to this day. If you want really creepy, read Stephen King's short stories. Emphasis on last two words. I find his novels to be needlessly dragging... Like an old professor on a power trip. I remember that there was, in a compilation of his short stories "Night Shift," a particular one titled "The Doorway," which is my all time most goosebump-inducing story, with "Young Goodman Brown" by Hawthorne as close second in the SS category. A story in there called "Trucks" might have, through some sort of pixie-dust-distortion, inspired the Disney movie "Cars." When I think of it that way, the animated feature is a nightmare, literally.

Segue: I've been hearing a lot lately that I sound like I swallowed a couple hundred novels, because that's all I talk about. I don't know what to make of it. I know the statement is a hyperbole, but what do you want me to talk about?

Technical criticism of Stepford Wives: Too many italics. Seriously.

This is not a book review. The reason I'm writing about it is because it sparked my sense of feminism. (Then again, almost everything does.) In the novel, Joanna Eberhart is a stay-at-home mom of two kids and part time shutterbug who got stuck in a town of uncomplaining hausfraus. She is an avid supporter of the Women's Lib, so you can guess how she felt about "women not having external interests" other than housekeeping.

Are there people who are really like that? That is the most horrifying thing I've ever heard of, save for for being stuck in a room filled with kids. *Shudders*

Anyway. When people get married, the women take the names of their husbands, right? Question: WHY??? In this novel, the women were repeatedly referred to as, say, "Mrs. Alan Hollingsworth." I think Levin was trying to drive home a point by doing that. Lately we've been discussing sexism in Soc Sci 3, and this was one of the cases. The law allows for a woman to legally retain her name after marriage, but that's only a load of blah. Even if the couple file the necessary paperwork, all the woman's records get changed all the same. Some institutions even make this a requirement. It's like pre-marriage-you never even happened.

Those invitations that read Mr. and Mrs. (name of man) never fail to make me cringe. Where is the separation of identity? Where is the individuality? When you get married you get scratched out to a mere "Mrs." on the nameplate? For all the movement toward equality, why hasn't anybody thought of scratching this practice? Give me practical reasons. For convenience? Is it such a bother to write down two names, seeing as you're addressing two people? Are a few extra keystrokes that troublesome? Is an extra drop of ink detrimental to your budget? And if you're going to argue that it's, er, romantic, two words for you: Benevolent Sexist.

Sorry. The name thing really freaks me out. But as someone in our class pointed out, people do not see anything wrong with it, seeing as it conforms with tradition. Yes, but some traditions are sexist. Some? *Thinks of exception* Uhh.

Tradition does not justify sexism-- just because you're used to it doesn't mean it's fair. (And for all the ambivalence of the concept of fairness, I'd need five thousand more words to explain, so let's not go there today.)

Brief example. FGM, or female genital mutilation. The UN (relatively) recently declared this a violation of human rights, but before they did the practice was widespread in parts of Africa. Some tribes still practice it today. The goal was to remove the clitoris, with the assumption that women should only feel pain during intercourse-- and, hello, with all the non-sterile blades they use, make that 'everyday of their lives.'

Tradition? Yes. Fair? You tell me.

I remember something about the Babaylans before the Spanish occupation. The Babaylans, or women priestesses, had a lot of power over the people of their respective tribes. When the patriarchal Spanish arrived, they were horrified by this role reversal and demoted the Babaylan to evil witches. Taadaaa.

Back to Stepford. I think there was also quite a bit of discrimination against the males in the story, because the basic assumption was they all wanted a 1930s housewife who wanted nothing more than to do the housework, cater to their every need, agree with everything they say, and never ever complain. If you know any males who actually fit the description, kindly shoot them. Burn their bodies, just in case. (Sorry, I can only stay objective for so long.)

"I got beat by a girl. It's the most embarassing thing that's ever happened to me." --- Zach, from the Suite Life

Conforms with tradition and norms? Yes. Fair? I really don't think so. It's a rather hurtful statement. And yet... You hear things like that a lot and nobody questions them.

Same goes for gender roles, or "the social, cultural, and psychological aspects that pertain to traits, norms, roles, etc. considered typical and desirable for those whom society has designated as female or male."

Male gender roles: anti-feminine element, success element, aggressive element, sexual element, and self-reliant element. Female gender roles: motherhood and marriage mandate.

Those female gender roles make me want to bang my head against the wall in frustration and annoyance. If anybody ever tells me to fufill either of those two mandates, they can expect a wrath-filled reply, coupled with blows of violence. And if you know me personally you know I'm not kidding.

“[W]oman is misbegotten and defective." -- St. Thomas Aquinas

I never liked St. Thomas. Nor Richard von Kraft Ebbing, a psychiatrist during the 1930s who said "Women can not be properly sexual without men." As in, women do not have a separate sexuality, and they are only women when they are with men. Beyond that they have no sexual identity.

Another thing... Sexual double standards.

Example of a sexual double standard: when a man has many sexual partners, it is accepted and even lauded. When a woman has many sexual partners, she is dirty and disgusting.
It's related to the Madonna-Whore dichotomy: women are either saints or sluts, no grey area. Just ask Pope St. Gregory the Great. He said, "Woman’s use is twofold: harlotry or maternity."
That's obviously not a fair way of looking at things.

There are concepts that have worked their way into the subconscious of entire nations, and most of them are considered "proper" and "normal." Nobody bothers to think about them anymore, stopping at the "what" and failing to look at the "why."
Someone once wrote that if you truly want to understand something, then you have to unlearn what you know.

Definitely easier said than done.

...

I found something in someone's site and I just had to copy and react. (Emphasis on the 'copy' part, since there are unforgivable grammatical errors here.) No offense, old friend, just me going about my normal bashing business.

Written in yellow is the article itself, the purple words are mine.

what girls need to realizePosted by ******* on Jan 7, '09 6:36 AM for everyone

We don't care if you're friends with other guys.
But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off.
It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there.
--- Let me see how I can put this. You know the green-and-blue planet where we live? Yeah. It doesn't revolve around you.

We don't care if a guy calls OR TEXTS you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned.
Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. that it can't wait till the morning.
--- Does it ever cross your mind that your idea of "important" might not be another person's idea of important? For instance: if someone texted me at 2 AM that the release date of ISBN 978-0007241019 was moved from May 4 to March 4, I would be ecstatic and would consider that very important. On the other hand, a non-Michael Crichton fan would give absolutely no damn about the release of his posthumous book. You can't simply say that "nothing is that important at 2 a.m." because some things are.

Also, when we tell you you're pretty/ beautiful/ gorgeous/cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it.
Don't tell us we're wrong.
We'll stop trying to convince you.
--- What the hell? I can't point out exactly what's wrong with that comment. My head is too busy coming up with swear words. "We'll stop trying to convince you." Aaaah, egocentrism afflicts many.

The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence.
Yeah, you can quote me.
--- Why would I want to? It's not like I can't find what you just said in a thousand other sites where they claim to know more than they do.

Don't be mad when we hold the door open. Take Advantage of the mood im in.
--- Nom de dieu de bordel de merde... It's like girls don't have the same body parts needed to open a door.

Let us pay for you!
Don’t "feel bad"
We enjoy doing it.
It's expected.
--- EXACTLY. Social construct junkie alert. Just because "it's expected" is neither excuse nor reason to do it. You have a mind of your own you don't have to follow everything everybody else says. --- Equality is founded on many respects, and one of them is "economic."

Smile and say "thank you."
--- Ah. If only my professor (Bea Torre, Gender and Sexuality, UP Psych Department) could hear you. She'd give you a lecture on why prescriptive statements are bad. This is like a dating script taken to the extreme.

Kiss us when no one's watching.
If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed.
--- Eh?

You don't have to get dressed up for us.
If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own.
--- Okay, am I really reading this? Sounds like most of the girls you've been going out with have been... *insert very derogatory word here*

We like you for who you are and not what you are.
--- Cliche. Wonder where the concept of objectification came from. Obviiiiously not from you, since you have never objectified in your life.

honestly, I think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's. or my shirt and boxers, not all dolled up
--- "Your" shirt and boxers? Reminds me of that inane song... T-shirt, by some girl who doesn't have a life.

Don't take everything we say seriously.
Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it.
--- Did you just say girls don't understand sarcasm? I challenge you to a sarcasm match right now. My opening statement: YOU ARE THE MOST BRILLIANT WRITER EVER.

Don't get angry easily.
--- Seriously, though, why are you dictating things like this? What makes you think you have the qualifications to dictate how people should react?

Stop using magazines/media as your bible.
--- Oh, yeah, because you would neeeever do that.

"Don't talk about how hott Chris Brown, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is in front of us".
It's boring, and we don't care. You have friends for that.
--- Oh. My. God. Comments like this are priceless. File under "ammunition against the male species."

Whatever happened to the word "handsome"/"beautiful"?
I’d be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with "Hey handsome!" instead of "Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy" or whatever else you can think of.
--- Who does that???

on the other hand I’m not saying I wouldn't like it ether
--- Okay, the point of the former statement is...? *Ether? Haha.

Girls, I cannot stress this enough: if you aren't being treated right by a guy, dont wait for him to change. ditch his sorry ASS, he's a disgrace to the male population and find someone who will treat you with utter respect
--- "OPTIMISM, n. The doctrine, or belief, that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right that is wrong. It is held with greatest tenacity by those most accustomed to the mischance of falling into adversity, and is most acceptably expounded with the grin that apes a smile. Being a blind faith, it is inaccessible to the light of disproof -- an intellectual disorder, yielding to no treatment but death. It is hereditary, but fortunately not contagious." - Bierce

Someone who will honor your morals.
Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest.
Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes.
Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel.
--- Because they're masochistic...? Or because they're imaginary?

Someone who will stop what they're doing just to look you in the eyes....and say "i love you" ..and actually mean it.
--- How deliriously sappy.

Give the nice guys a chance
--- See: "optimism"

Guys repost this if you agree
Girls repost this if you think it's cute
--- Oh, I think what you wrote is a lot of things, cute is not one of them.

Every Guy who isn't a jerk will agree with this, so we hope that all the girls that read this will repost this
--- You believe in yourself too much. I feel sorry for you already.

*Holding Hands
Girls :If you want to hold his hand, gently bump into it a couple of times.
Guys : Grab it if it happens more than once.
--- Again, what qualifications do you have for dictating this?

*Cuddling
Girls : When you want to cuddle with him, tell him you're cold
Guys : Automatically move closer to her.
--- You sound like a computer program.

*Movies
Girls : During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your head on his shoulder
Guys : Lift her chin up and kiss her.
--- You should write a screenplay. I'm not saying somebody's going to buy it, I'm just saying you should channel your "creativity" through another medium. Maybe you could even write a self-help book, since you seem to have a predilection for telling people what to do.

*Loving each other
Guys : When she tells you she loves you, look deep into her eyes, give her a peck on the lips, and tell her you love her too... And mean it.
--- "LOVE, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease, like caries and many other ailments, is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient." - Bierce

*Laying below the stars
Girls : When you're both laying under the stars, put your head on his chest and close your eyes as you listen to his steady heart beat
Guys : Whisper in her ear and link your hands with hers.
--- Have you ever thought of writing your own novel? You should collaborate with Stephenie Meyer, honey. You'd get a couple of bestsellers that twelve year old girls the world over will enjoy.

By 12 am tonight your one true love will realize how much they want you.
--- One. True. Love. Remember the part about sarcasm? Here's another one. I LOVE YOU.