Audiophile Mode

In her August 17, 2008 entry, Kimberly Lee defined what an audiophile is and gave examples of her audiophilic pursuits. ( http://oushiro.blogspot.com ) I didn’t know what it was called before, but I guess I have audiophilic tendencies too. And since these have been plaguing me on and off over the course of my dismal existence, I’ll post them. Reminder, these are clichés and dumbness seen through a cynic’s eyes, and must not be taken seriously. Unless you’re a cynic too. :-)

--------------------------------------------------------------
“Anything too stupid to be said is sung.”
-Voltaire
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“It starts in my toes
Makes me crinkle my nose...”

---Yikes. Athlete’s foot?

“Wherever it goes
I always know...”

---Wherever what goes? The smell?

“Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go...”

---Can’t you decide if you want the person to stay or not?

“But I can’t spell it out for you
It’s never gonna be that simple...”

---Euphemized illiteracy.

“If you just realize
What I just realized
We’ll be perfect for each other
And we’ll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized...”

---What DID she realize?
---I realized that Colbie is an authoritarian. How can she be sure that what she realized (whatever IT is) is what the other person would think too? Gosh. Lapse in judgment.

“The rain is falling on my window pane
But we are hiding in a safer place...”

---Yes, the rain makes the world sooo unsafe.

“ Everytime I see your bubbly face
I get the tingles in a silly place...”

----The question remains: WHAT DOES SHE MEAN? Bubbly face? Is this some sort of medical condition?

“If a nigga’s got an attitude, pop it like it’s hot...”

---Racism. If Hitler hated on the blacks, this would have been his motto.

“You make me beautiful
For the very first time...”

---Katharine McPhee wrote those lines for her plastic surgeon.

“Look deep in your soul
And know you’re not alone...”

---SCHIZOPHRENIA.

"Let me help you take off your shoes, Untie your shoestrings, Take off your cufflinks

What you want to eat? Let me feed you

Let me run your bath water, Whatever you desire I'll aspire

I'll sing you a song

Turn your game on, Brush your hair, Help you put your do rag on

Want a foot rub? You want a manicure?
…
I Got Your Slippers,Your Dinner,Your Dessert, And So Much More Anything You Want Just Let Me Cater To You…”

---Destiny’s Child, singing the anthem of Domestic Helpers worldwide.

“Upside down
Bouncing on the ceiling
Inside out
Stranger to this feeling...”

---S Club 7 on “The Exorcist.”

“You think you’re special
But I know
And I know
And you know
And we know
That you’re not...”

---So much for constructive criticism.

“Hit me baby one more time...”

---Britney Spears is a masochist! Oh, wait. You already knew that.

“Face down in the dirt
She said ‘this doesn’t hurt...’”

---Masochism, part two.
---Question: How can she talk if her face is against the ground?

“And it must have been so bad
‘Cause even then I must have damn near killed you...”

---Sadism. The music industry really does have S&M enthusiasts. This one’s from Nickelback.

“It’s been a long, long time
Since everything’s been cool...”

---Click Five on the Ice Age.

“Something’s dying on the inside...”

---Click five on dirty laundry.

“Girl, don’t you know you can’t escape me
Ooh darling ‘cause you’ll always be my baby...”

---Creepy stalker much?

“Every move you make
Every step you take
Every bond you break
I’ll be watching you...”

---And I thought David Cook/Mariah Carey was creepy.

“Sometimes I run
Sometimes I hide
Sometimes I’m scared of you...”

---And Britney’s their victim.

“Soulja Boy Up In This Hoe
Watch Me Crank It
Watch Me Roll
Watch Me Crank Dat Soulja Boy
den Super Man Dat
Now watch me YOU
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now watch me YOU
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now watch me YOU
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now watch me YOU
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)”
*And so on. And on. And on.

---Lather. Rinse. Repeat. I still don’t get it.

“Even though the gods are crazy
Even though the stars are blind
If you show me real love baby
I'll show you mine...”

--- Something doesn’t make sense here... Oh wait, who sang this again? Paris Hilton? Never mind. Wouldn’t expect sense from girl who said “What’s Wal-mart? Do they, like, sell wall stuff?”

“Don’t say a word
I know you feel the same
Just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything...”

---Make up your mind, Good Charlotte.

“Please don’t walk away
I know you wanna stay...”

---If the person is walking away, then evidently the person does NOT want to stay.

“I gotta find a way out
Maybe there’s a way out...”

---Boys like Girls on childbirth.

“Something’s telling me it might be you...”

---Stephen Bishop’s answer to “Who farted?”

“I want you to burn
Burn for me baby
Like a candle
In the night
Oh burn
Burn for me
Burn for me...”

---Holy Inquisition Album Track 1: Catholic Church on Witch Trials. Common sense sold separately.

(That wasn’t blasphemy, was it? *Smirk. )

“I will never let you fall
I’ll stand up with you forever
I will be there for you
Through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven...”

---The title is “Your Guardian Angel,” right?
---Two arguments:
(a) Singer thinks he’s a guardian angel—let’s assume he is.
-Angel falls in love with human, again? God! Pun unintended.
(b) Singer is a delusional human being somehow heavily addicted to this other human being.
-How the hell does he think he’s going to heaven? Pun intended.

“Staying alive
Staying alive
Ah, ah, ah, yeah
Staying alive...”

---Zombie Movie soundtrack.

“You can’t get, get with me
Get away from me
I’m not into what you say
I’m not that easy babe
So don’t think you can play with me...”

---Jamie Lynne Spears on things she said and never did.

“There go the streetlights
The night’s officially on
I’ve got the green light
To do whatever I want...”

---Jessica Simpson’s take on driving under the influence. Word.

“Why can’t I speak whenever I talk about you...?”

---Liz Phair on, er, sign language.

“Baby, I am dying...”

---And I thought it was only in the opera that people sing during that crucial moment.

“I’m not breathing, I’m suffocating...”

---See what I mean?

“I’m learning to fall
I can hardly breathe...”

---It goes on.

“You have stolen my heart...”

---Then how can you still be singing?

“Wake me up
Wake me up inside
Wake me from the nothing I’ve become
Bid my blood to run
Before I come undone
Save me from the nothing I’ve become...”

---Pessimism meets Count Dracula.

“Thank God I found you
I was lost without you...”

---Mariah talking to her map.

“Get low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low...”

---Filipinos on gas prices.

“Nobody’s gonna get me higher
I must stick with you forever...”

---PCD to their drug dealer.

“Hello...
Is it me you’re looking for...”

---David Cook on looking for a job.

“Open up your mind...”

---Lobotomy.

“What if it’s lost behind,
Words we could never find...”

---Then you wouldn’t have lost anything.

“In the darkness, there’s a clear view...”

---Ashlee Simpson on night vision goggles.

“I love how you can tell
All the pieces,
Pieces of me...”

---Chainsaw massacre victim to CSI.

“It’s as if you know me better
Than I ever knew myself...”

---Amnesiac.

"You make me wanna la la,
On the kitchen, on the floor
You make me wanna la la,
la la la, la la la...”

---Ashlee Simpson on the art of articulation.

“I’m way too cool for you boy
That’s why it will never work...”

---Jojo on egoism.

“Love me, love me, looooooooooooooooove...
You’re gonna loooooooooooooooove (breathe) meeeeeeeeee...”

---Jennifer Hudson on desperation. High octave nobody-can-ever-sing-this-song-like-this-ever-again desperation.

“Here I am
Perfect as I’m ever gonna be
You’ll see
Love me for me...”

---Ahslee Simpson. Egoism AND desperation.

“I’m just your latest mistake...”

---From egoism we go to heavy self-deprecation. Nice to see there’s balance in the world.

“No clouds in my stones...”

---What?

“Now it’s raining more than ever...”

---Rihanna as witness to the Great flood.

“When the sun won’t shine we’ll shine together...”

---Rihanna on arson.

“I think you should let it burn
Let it burn
You gotta let it burn...”

---Usher as Rihanna’s accessory to the crime.

“Get fired up in a hurry...”

---Christina Aguillera, their lookout.

“Told you I’ll be here forever...”

---Rihanna on immortal stubbornness.

“We could go to the slums
Where killers get hung
Shawty I can take you there...”

---Sean Kingston on his hometown.

“Why can’t I turn off the radio...?”

---Neyo on life as an amputee.

“Even the best fall down sometimes...”

---Howie Day, consoling Filipino Olympic contestants. I think.

“I learn every time I bleed...”

---One can only hope Jordin Sparks is not a hemophiliac.

“And I keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding...”

---Now THAT’S hemophilia.

“I can’t waste time
So give it a moment...”

---A “moment” is considered time, dear.

“When I looked in the mirror
It didn’t deliver...”

---Uh, what? Mirror, mirror on the wall where is the pizza I ordered?

“I’ve got you
To make me feel stronger...”

---McFly to steroids.

“I know you can’t stay
But a part of you will never, ever go away
Your heart will stay...”

---Soundtrack of failed artificial heart operations.

“... When you knew all along he was mine from the start...”

---M2M on slavery.

“He’s my baby...”
(Repeat ten thousand times.”

---M2M on teenage pregnancy.

“Bring back my baby to me...”

---M2M on crib death.

“Love me...”

---M2M trying and failing to be Jennifer Hudson

“Sometimes I think I hear you call
Right from my bedroom wall...”

“Spend some time with me
Can’t you seeeeeeeeeeeeeee...”

“When you walk in through the door
Smiling Face
Like I’ve never seen before…”

“I used to write your name
And put it in a frame...”

---M2M and their glorious rhymes.

“When I was dreaming of you
You were dreaming of me...”

---Mother Goose on M2M and their masterful, masterful rhyming abilities.

“Even the wrong words seem to rhyme...”

---Howie Day defending M2M.

“Dear Diary,
something good happened today...”

---M2M trying and failing to be Anne Frank.

“What can I say to make you mine...”

---Nothing. Slavery is prohibited, people.

“I lie awake at night
See things in black and white...”

---M2M on dog vision.

“Let me inside
Make me stay
Right beside you...”

---M2M on stalking.

“Mirror, mirror lie to me
Show me what I wanna see...”

---The only song on Vicki Belo’s iPod.

“When I saw you
I wanted you to be mine...”

---How many times must you be reminded that slavery is prohibited?

“I must be stupid
Must be crazy
Must be out of my mind...”

---M2M. Nothing follows.

========================= :-)

C'est la Vie, C'est Rien

I wonder if the following article would make sense to anyone but those who have overactive imaginations. Hey, it’s postmodern, from an “art history standpoint.”

C’est la Vie, C’est Rien

The cursor blinks against the white background. You know, that white background pretending to be paper. I know it’s not.

It’s just an illusion; a careful organization of light designed to make it seem like paper. To make typing documents look as real as writing them down... To make technology both new and old at the same time. To make it seem familiar, even if it’s a completely revolutionary innovation. To make people believe in what they can’t touch, to make them overlook the absence of the feel of paper, the irregularity of the handwriting and the stain of the ink. If this is the age of the papyrus it wouldn’t be a white background. It’d be dirty yellow, with the stalks of the papyri as authentic as the computer programmers can make it. Quite ingenious, really. Making the new seem familiar is a psychological trick that was employed by even the conquistadors and the religious leaders of long ago.

Microsoft Word is not as innocent as it looks.

My fingers are typing nonsense because my brain is coming up with nonsense; typing with instinct borne of months and months of pummeling away at plastic squares, desperate to make sense, to have sense.

What is sense, anyway?
And for that matter, what is nonsense?

Nonsense is usually seen as the ignorance of the speaker or the writer... But can’t it imply ignorance of the listener or the reader?

Or maybe it’s both.

Maybe there’s something that goes between sense and nonsense. Like midsense. You know, when nobody understands it... That doesn’t mean it doesn’t mean anything.

I’m ranting away like this because there are so many things to do... Too many, actually. So many that I wonder what they’re for. The professors assign so much work to do, and I can’t help but wonder why. Are they doing it so that I can learn, or so that they can sleep blissfully at night thinking that they’ve done their jobs well?

Even as I let my thoughts wander aimlessly into this abyss of words, I am plagued by the things I have to study. To memorize. To know. And all for what? To have a good grade? Grades are just... well, grades...

Numbers, letters, ways of telling us that people will always find a way to quantify the unquantifiable. What’s the point? You can never tell how smart a person is from tests and reports and homework.

What is “smart” in the first place?

I know I’m supposed to be doing something more productive than this. I just don’t want to. And I’m not going to. But as much as I want to be a full-time anarchist, social constraints have already corrupted me. Although, thankfully, not to the point that I won’t ask questions. The day I stop asking is the coming of the cocqcigrues. If I can’t eventually break free of these deeply ingrained tendencies to follow what is asked of me in school, then procrastination towards it is how it’s going to be.

What’s the point in doing things I don’t want to do? It doesn’t please me, and if I do need to submit those things, the people on the receiving end will grade them according to their own subjective terms. I don’t suppose continuously scrutinizing mountains of paperwork pleases them either. Then they’ll tell me how badly I deviate from what they expect.

What do they expect?

Do they expect me, you, us, to know everything?

And still, I stare into the abyss; unable to see anything but inky darkness and shadows of figures I can only ever hope to comprehend.

Sometimes, when you stare into the abyss for too long... The abyss stares back at you.

Maybe the abyss is staring back at me right now. Maybe it wants to drag me into its unfathomable depths, so that I’ll find the answers to questions I ask over and over again.

Maybe that’s why we never find answers. Maybe it’s because we look everywhere except into nothing at all.

Who’s to say that nothing has nothing in its unmitigated realms?

Has anybody ever looked into nothing?

I want to express how I feel, but somehow I can’t find the words. Or words are not enough. Silence is not enough either, so I guess I’ll stick with the words.

This is not misery. I know misery; she’s my next door neighbor. And it’s not depression either. I have an ongoing flirtation with depression, and right now we’re cooling off. I don’t want anything steady.

Ah. I know. It’s somewhere between indifference and frustration. Paradox? Who cares. And as unhealthy as it is, I am determined to not let anything lift my mood out of its current state. Indifference is my best friend, and frustration is my middle name anyway.

Suddenly making sense doesn’t seem all that important.

Does it?

*Clink*

Oh, look. The cup tipped over.

My grocery-spawned Earl Grey tea has spilled onto the floor, and I have no intention of mopping it up.

They say you shouldn’t cry over spilled milk, in this case spilled tea, but nobody said you shouldn’t let it evaporate from neglect either.

Suddenly, I’m aware of the time. It’s midnight, the witching hour... not that you care.

Oh wait, do you?
How am I supposed to know that?
How am I supposed to know anything?
Am I supposed to know everything?
Or am I supposed to know nothing?

All things considered, knowing nothing is the most incomprehensibly difficult.

The cursor blinks against the white background. You know, that white background pretending to be paper. I know it’s not.

Do you?

Locution Leftovers

“Locution Leftovers”

You know how you tend to write things and you don't know what they're for? Then they pile up in your Documents folder and you don't know what's what anymore? I decided to open those long-forgotten and semi-forgotten nothings and post them--because I don't have anything to post anyway. Read: Life unworthy to delve into as of the moment.

----------Poem: Questions
(Part of the "Chronicles of Self-deprecation..." One of my more freestyle no rhyme scheme things. Written last year, I think.)

Why do we look and yet seldom see
through the infinite areas of possibility?
Why do we keep on day dreaming
but say that 'only seeing is believing'?
Why do we take things for granted
then repent when the chance has already departed?
Why do we have to keep on treading
upon shallow water and even footing?
Why are we so afraid to take
the risks we know we should make?
Why do we make things complicated
and make the pain we feel self-inflicted?
Why do we rationalize each waking moment
when all it brings is much more torment?
Why do we dwell on our insecurities
when we really have more capabilities?
Why do we say we want people to go away
when all we want is for them to stay?
Why do we scream 'leave me alone'
when the last thing we want is to be on our own?
Why do we let ourselves, of our accord, suffer,
and declare we want our lives to be over?
Why do we refuse to admit we were wrong
then in solitude sing the same sad sorry song?
Why is it so damn hard to forget
the things we really, really, really regret?
and...
Why am I still holding paper and pen,
writing instead of doing, all over again?

----------Conversation Excerpt

"What the hell?"
"Hell is a place, not an expression."
"Really...? What the hell?"
- 7th Heaven

----------Myths and Things
(I totally forgot I wrote this. Written last summer, I think. Source: Britannica Encyclopedia.)

"Other Mesopotamian myths include the story of Atrahasis, a wise man who was saved from the Flood after being warned by one of the gods to build a ship to save himself."

- Familiar... I wonder whether or not that's where they got it...

"The myth of Ishtar's Descent and return from the underworld was evidently connected to the cycle of fertility."

- I know someone else who did that...

"Askr and Embla. In Norse mythology, the first man and first woman, respectively, parents of the human race. They were created from tree trunks found on the seashore by three gods—Odin and his two brothers, Vili and Ve (some sources name the gods Odin, Hoenir, and Lodur). From each creator Askr and Embla received a gift: Odin gave them breath, or life, Vili gave them understanding, and Ve gave them their senses and outward appearance."

- I'm curious. Does every religion in the world have their version of how the world was made?
- And I wonder why... Wait. I should stop now. Before I say something about. Well, that. Which I'm probably going to sooner or later.
- AND why are the old religions called myths now? Can I call Protestantism the Protestant Myth? I'm going to stop calling "myths" as myths. It's just so biased.

THE PROBLEM OF EVIL

"a theological problem that arises for any philosophical or religiousview that affirms the following three propositions: (1) God is almighty, (2) God is perfectly good, and (3) evil exists. If evil exists, it seems either that God wants to obliterate evil and is not able to—and thus his almightiness is denied—or that God is able to obliterate evil but does not want to—and thus his goodness is denied."

- Wow. That makes sense. Heavy theo question. There was someone who said, "Wait, it's not that simple!" Which is probably why this next paragraph was made:

"The theological problem of evil can be solved logically by denying any one of these three propositions. Vedanta Hinduism, Christian Science, and Stoicism have sought to solve the problem by denying the existence of evil. They affirm that evil is mere appearance or is imaginary. The U.S. philosopher William James attempted to solve the problem by denying the almightiness of God. He regarded God as having great but limited power and as being perfectly good. Orthodox Christianity, however,has generally chosen to live with the tension involved in affirming all three propositions. Some, instead of denying the proposition that God is almighty, have defined the proposition to mean that God can do anything that is logically possible. The 17th-century German philosopher Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz, for example, stated that, because God is limited to that which is logically possible, the existence of evil is necessary in this “best of all possible worlds.”

- Hey! You can't say Christian Science dudes. That just ain't right. Look it up. "Religion” has nothing to do with facts and figures (science). But we all know that anyway. Christian Science?! Can't we stick with Christianism? Sheesh.
- So Orthodox Christianity has chosen not to answer this? Hmm. Interesting.
- Riiiight...Evil is mere appearance... So what happened with the balance of good and evil...? Something real can't be balanced with something unreal... Literally. Figuratively. Whatever. Yin Yang. I know there are different terms anyway.
- Why'd William James deny the almightiness of God? Ain't that kind of the point here?
- Can anybody solve this? Talk to me. Please.

----------Animal Facts
(Lobsters, Dogs and Cats. I must have been bored.)

*Lobsters were considered the food for poor people before it became one of the most expensive edible crustaceans. (The poor people I’m referring to are the ones who lived near the lobster harvest area. Their kids used to be laughed at when they brought lobster to school.) – Some show on Lifestyle Network
*The difference between a male and female lobster is that the female has hairy sort of antennae on the underbelly and males have shell-like ones. – Iron Chef America
*Cats and dogs share ancestors called miacoids, weasel-like creatures that roamed the earth more than 50 million years ago. That’s why cats and dogs share certain characteristics like padded-feet and flesh-eating teeth. It wasn’t until three million years ago that the cats of today established themselves. – Amy Shojai, Complete Kitten Care

----------Anamnesis
(I wrote this out of drama. Later I submitted it as a yearbook prologue, and tweaked the last two lines to make it look like one. Written last school year.)

The curtains are coming down on yet another play,
Another plot has unraveled through the year's every day.
The days passed by fast, and are passing faster, it seems,
A future on the not-so-distant horizon gleams.
Now we are standing at a threshold, we are at a sojourn;
Though this is transience there is nothing to mourn;
This is not the end of the road; this is not the conclusion,
This is the beginning of yet another expedition...
But we will not ride Galleons; we will not carry blades--
We are not conquistadors of antediluvian escapades.
Magellan, Columbus, Pizarro-- they faced rough seas;
We, the graduates, are facing fiery, harsh realities.
We do not face seasickness or pirates that swagger,
We face travails and a different sort of danger.
Dangers of intellect and, one might argue, of the heart,
Dangers of the choices within this new start.
But the future is not dreary, au contraire, it is bright;
Tarnished only by the inner fear and fright.
The future will not always be what we want it to be,
But it is a choice, one we must make undauntedly.
We like to think of the future as a distant event,
An event where the results of our dreams are evident...
But the future is not limited to the far years and after,
The future begins with the present-- the rest of forever.
Wherever we're going from where we are today,
Is a part of our long and winding yesterday.
The laughter, the tears, the joy and the pain,
In our hearts, minds and souls they'll always remain:
The days we spent studying, learning, and/or cramming,
The times we hung out and spent daydreaming,
The pictures we took and the lessons we learned,
The friends we made and the grades we earned;
The mistakes we committed and the fights we got into,
The songs we sung and the days we breezed through;
The games we played and the books we read,
The things we did and the words we never said;
The pain we kept in and the silent screams,
The joyous days and the fulfilled dreams;
The thoughts and deeds we’ve reaped and sown,
The frolic with l’inconnu, the unknown;
The sleepless nights and the really tiring days,
The occasional, uninhibited, audacious forays;
The hindrances, the problems, the inhibitions,
The customary quintessential predilections;
The interests we had, the places we’ve been to,
The things we did and the people we knew;
The way we lived through every single minute,
The ardent anamnesis that is truly infinite.
Now here is a look at the years we had, our very own legacy,
An anthology of memories that will transcend infinity.

:-)

Gender: The Social Construct

"Gender: The Social Construct"

Yesterday, in English 12 (World Literature) we were discussing this amazing play called Medea, by the Greek playwright Euripedes.

The heroine, Medea, was a foreign sorceress who was brought by Jason of the Argonauts into Greece as his wife.

But I don't want to discuss the plot just yet. It's too complicated and I don't have enough time as of the moment. (It's seriously one of those stories where there is no black and white. Which makes it REALLY cool. The moral high ground just vanishes like *poof!*)

Anyway. What struck me about the discussion (since Medea is kind of like a testament to feminism... Just kind of, mind you,) is when our teacher (Professor Schriever) quoted Simone de Beauvoir:

"One is not born, but becomes a woman."(From the book "The Second Sex")

This emphasizes the difference "sex" and "gender."
First, sex is biological. There are basically three: male, female and hermaphroditic.

Then there's gender. Now we all know how many genders there are; man, woman and everything above, below and in between.
The thing is, the notion of what a man is, (or a woman is, in the context of our discussion) is determined by the society.
American women may be seen as liberated and open-minded while Asian women may be seen as conservative and family-oriented. But then, they're both "women."

This means that gender is a social construct. Another one, I should say. It's already been established that government, religion, baptism, marriage, school and many others are social constructs. But I seriously never thought of gender as a social construct explicitly.

I guess this also means that there's nothing wrong with having genders "in between." I mean, gender is a social construct; it is what we "think" it is. It doesn't really exist except in our own perceptions.

I'll discuss Medea next time. I swear she's like my role model now. (She was kind of dumb mid-story but she redeemed herself anyway.)

:-)

nothings

Random Thoughts

*Disclaimer. If I attributed quotations to the wrong people, forgive me. I didn't look at any references.*

"What are Saturdays for?"

Saturday. In a humble temple of the sciences called CMSHS.
There are some things you just can't leave behind.
As I mentioned a million times before, I am a graduate of CMSHS. That makes me an alumnus. Yay! That also means I had no business of being there. Spending Saturday in my old school is completely unnecessary. And yet, I went there. I didn't exactly know what we were supposed to do. Element of surprise? What the hey.

What are Saturdays for, anyway?

Journalism training classes are being held there, and for once it was nice to talk to people who are not rushing. Not running off to classes or worrying about their midterms. Not biding their time until they can get the next ride out. People who can sit down and simply share their ideas. IDEAS. I missed that so much. Sure, we discuss ideas in class. I have Social Science 2, Political Science 11 and English 12, after all. But this is different. Because they were ideas that I can relate to as a person. Never mind Adam Smith's "invisible hand" or Herder's "volksgeist..." the discussions I like the most are about religion and society; crime and passion, literature, and most importantly, writing itself. It was fun because I was with my friends. (Yes, the other editors were there too.) And we had a chance to talk to the freshmen. To me, that was one of the nicest things about it.

Saturdays are for conversations.

And what a conversation it was... Because Kimberly (EIC 08-09) and Mico (Managing Editor 08-09) were there... My two friends who were expats for a while. Kidding. Did I say expats? I meant exchange students. (They're my super debate partners.) Them, along with, of course, Rowane (EIC 07-08), Kat (News 07-08) and Chito (Sports 07-08). We all had a lot to say, perhaps because we were stuck in worlds where we can't really say much. Maybe because there isn't enough time. Or maybe because there isn't anybody who would listen. Kim and I talked mostly to the freshies. I didn't actually catch their names much, but what stuck with me was their interest. They were wide readers. And they were smart. Like, writer smart. There's a difference between the classroom-smart people and writer-smart people. They do however coincide sometimes. Anyway. They had a lot to say, which was good.
Good start, I should say.
Long way to go.
There's always a long way to go.
Always.

Saturdays are for reflections.

Today I realized just how much I've changed. From who I was during first year, to who I am today. Four years ago, I was afraid to say out loud that I didn't believe in religion. That I believed in agnostic principles. Because everybody else was Catholic. Because I came from a Dominican school. Because what I was taught was different.Eventually, I learned to say it out loud. I learned that it didn't matter what others' opinion of me might be after I tell them who I am. Who I am is not going to affect their lives anyway.The ability to express oneself, without fear of resentment or trepidation for rejection, is the only way to know if what you believe is worth the trouble. If what you believe is truly coming from your heart, not just your mind. I learned that it's okay to doubt what people say. Even if they have authority. Because no one is infallible.

"If you would be a real seeker after the truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things."- Rene Descartes

I figured that I am more susceptible to self-deprecation now. I guess I was more optimistic when I was younger. That wasn't so long ago, but it certainly feels longer than four years. It comes with the territory, I suppose. OCness can take its toll too. Like planning every single thing... And when they don't go as planned, I usually cry (in solitude) or find someway to distract myself (until I'm alone enough to cry.) Slight segue. You know why certain people don't like being seen while crying? It's because that suggests a level of intimacy. If you cry with someone, that has to mean something. It means you trust someone well enough to let them see that vulnerable side.

"Unless you have been very very lucky, you know that a good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit." - Lemony Snicket, The Bad Beginning

I also figured out what independence is. I mean, I know how to define it. But I am a believer in the Empirical Method...
"The only real education is education by experience. "
I think independence means responsibility. It is the ability to take care of yourself, not the freedom to do whatever you want to.
Eventually my musings gave way to thinking about the biggest change of all:Who I want to be.When it comes to profession, I used to want to be a lawyer. Because most of my relatives are lawyers, and it seems like a very lucrative job.But then I saw just how the world of politics and power and law works. I still want to work in that field, but not as a lawyer. I want to be an ambassador instead.When it comes to who I want to be as a person, I just want to live this life without regret. I want to live not for the sake of earning money or getting praise. It's crazy that everyone's goal seems to be "to become as rich as possible." Life is so much more than money and material things. I don't want to end up like Ebenezer Scrooge. Nobody wants to end up like Ebenezer Scrooge. However, everyone does want to end up like Bill Gates. (There are only twelve nations in the world richer than him, by the way.) But that's not the point. He got that rich because he did what he liked doing. It just so happened that the world needed computers.

"The greatest purpose of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it."

Despite the changes, I am still deathly afraid of the future. Despite all my careful planning, something might go wrong somewhere along the way. This quote kind of quells that fear.

"What lie behind us and what lie before us are tiny matters... Compared to what lie within us."- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Saturdays are for excursions.

When they said let's go to the mall, I thought "No, I have an Archaeology paper to do." But "no" turned to "maybe" then "okay." I just survived my French, Social Science and Political Science midterms, so maybe I could use a break. (The French Midterm was like hell, by the way. 120 items with 50 items conjugation of verbs. I feel like I'm going to get a low grade. Right now, I'm aiming for a three. Because I can't eat chocolate if I don't pass. Yes, it's one of those crazy motivation things.)

So. I was with Kim, Mico, Rowane, Anne, Kuya Nikko, Chito and Anne's "little" sister Chippy.
I won't go into details anymore. =)

When I got home at around four p.m., I fell asleep. Now, for some reason, when I woke up, I freaked out. I don't even know why. Like there was something wrong and I didn't know what. Attack of Self-deprecation.

Again.

So, to distract myself, I wrote this. It worked. I am officially distracted. That makes my day complete. Plus, I have an extremely long entry to post now. I haven't done it in a while.

So what are Saturdays for?

Saturdays are for everything.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Random Thoughts

"My August, So Far"

---Friday evening.
Five minutes ago, I was sprawled on the floor with my nose against the wood. I don't know if I was trying to make the ground swallow me up or something. I just felt like lying face-down and not moving. Suffice it to say that my day didn't go so well. Then I heard this strange, strange sound. Like someone well accustomed to howling was being strangled over a microphone. Strangled. Over. A. Microphone. The noise got inexplicably louder, and I was forced to pry myself off of the floor and look out the window. Alas, it was not the Hounds of the Baskervilles visiting my street. It was my next door neighbor who, apparently, decided to throw a party. They rented one of those machines where one slips a token in and gets to howl like a strangled dog over a microphone. Did I say howl? In normal circumstances, one gets to "sing." However, in this most disturbing case, he was HOWLING. I am not kidding. There was not a single word decipherable in the song, if that was what it was. For all I now it might have been an old and forgotten Gaelic ritual. Yeah. I'm sure they had beer back then too. Drunkass.I was actually glad he wasn't near a cemetery. Stop searching for the Book of the Dead, all you need is my neighbor. When will this cacophony of disastrous noises end???
Well, it did do one good thing. Because I got mad at them, I stopped being mad at myself. At least for now.

My August, so far?
Here are my snatches of life.

---------- Tuesday afternoon. Jeepney from UP to MRT.
So there was this guy. Quite overweight with two chins and everything. (Gloves off, claws out today. Mwahaha.) He was with this other guy who was rather thin. Have you ever seen the logo of the processed foods brand "Fat and Thin?" I swear they looked like that. Minus the coats and tophats. Anyway. They would have been completely unobtrusive if Fat guy wasn't singing this weird song (which he wrote himself.) How do I know he wrote it himself? Because the title was, get this, Sako Bag. I figured it was because Thin had one of those drawstring bags. It would have been okay, if his voice wasn't so loud and he didn't keep on repeating "sako bag, sako bag, sako bag" the whole entire time. I swear. His voice was the most exasperating trying-hard-to-be-a-rocker type it was so effing disturbing. I realized everybody had their ipods and MP3s and whatevers on. Alas, I forgot mine. The one time I didn't bring any aural distraction and it had to be there, with sako bag guy. He was like, "Sako bag remix, sako bag disco mix, sako bag acoustic, sako bag rock version, sako bag overture, etcetera." Then he'd sing it again, in the most annoying, most irritating voice ever. I actually gave him a look that said "Shut the eff up," but to no avail. I don't know if that guy was from the College of Music, but for the sake of Philippine entertainment I hope to God he's not. By the tenth minute or so of this Sako Bag torture (UP to MRT is like fifteen minutes) I wanted to scream... *French mode, so swearing can sound nice..."Nom de dieu de bordel de merde!!! Ta gueule, connard!!! Connard!!! D'everminage enfer, fils une chienne!!! Va baiser un mammouth!!! Tu es merde!!!" (The english version is incredibly mean so I won't write it down. Just imagine all the things you'd want to say to the most annoying person on earth. Ah, the things I learn in French class.) By the time we got to the Quezon Avenue station sako bag was already embedded in my brain. So was the desire to strangle Fat guy. I swear, if I ever hear that atrocity on the radio I'm going to stab myself.

---------- Summer. Jeepney from MRT to UP.
So there was this other guy. I remembered him because of the aforementioned. Less vexing than sako bag by a mile, by the way. At least he stopped. Anyway. My friends and I were on our way to UPD to submit those things they want you to submit. In the jeepney, there was this really tall, really masculine-looking person. He had his earphones on, and he was singing in a loud, high-pitched voice his own rendition of "Tattoo" by Jordin Sparks. It was all I could do to prevent myself from bursting into fits of rude laughter. Not because he sounded really bad or anything. It was just the way he was singing it-- passionately, "girly-ishly" and very loudly. Tattoo became the soundtrack of the rest of our summer.

---------- Sometime last week. Palma Hall (or AS)
I wasn't there when this happened but they kept retelling it and I thought it was really funny. We have this blockmate (who will remain unnamed) who wants to become a lawyer. He's really goofy and stuff and he said that someday in court he'll "breakdown" and say "Bitch ka" to the judge. Apparently, breakdown meant breakdance, and his speech was accompanied by a demonstration of "breaking down."

---------- Sometime last weekend. House.
This is like a more serious note. I was complaining to my dad about "Filipino Time."He was like "No, hindi totoo 'yan. Filipino time is early. Tingnan mo yung mga magsasaka at mga trabahador sa palengke. They wake up before dawn pa nga. It's "Spanish Time" that's late, not the Filipino Time."Makes sense, I think.

---------- Thursday last week. PH 207.
Do you guys know about the PAGASA video of the Philippine National Anthem?It's in this CD that aims to promote awareness about Nationalism and stuff.I just mention it because it was quite nice. The version of the anthem there was slow and rather intimate. *They're suggesting the change of the anthem from the march to this one.The video looked like this: The setting was like sunset, in a (probably) provincial area. There was a young Filipino boy who was playing kick-a-stone. Then the stone hits a small Philippine Flag, lying in obscurity in the dirt. He picks it up and dusts it off. Then the camera pans out to this flagpole. The young boy, carrying the flag, climbs up the flagpole and doesn't stop til he reaches the top. There, he waves the flag, a grin of hope and pride on his face.Looks like they're waving the nationalism flag to the tune of the youth is the hope of the country. I hope they're right. Anyway, it's a really nice video. It just had me thinking about why PAGASA is doing the campaigning for this. I mean, Philippine Astronomical Geophysical something or the other. I can never remember this. Hahaha. =)

villains

On Antagonism

Some of my Favorite Villain Quotes.
Yay!!! =)

"Mwahahahahahahahahaha!!!"- Cruella de Ville, 101 Dalmatians
(She was plain evil. It's all in the name. And that laugh was priceless.)

"She just goes a little mad sometimes. We all go a little mad sometimes. Haven't you?"

- Norman Bates in Psycho
"Never underestimate the power of the Dark Side."

- Darth Vader

"After my head has been chopped off, will I still be able to hear, at least for a moment, the sound of my own blood gushing from the stump of my neck? That would be the pleasure to end all pleasures."

- Serial killer Peter Kurten to his executioner... July 1, 1932, Cologne's Koingelputz Prison
(Yeah. True story.)

"I have the heart of a child. I keep it in a jar on my desk."

- Horror writer Stephen King

"I do wish we could chat longer, but I'm having an old friend for dinner. Bye."

- Hannibal Lecter

"You'll soon find out some Wizarding families are much better than others, Potter. You don't want to go making friends with the wrong sort. I can help you there."

- J.K. Rowling, spoken by Draco Malfoy in HP and The Sorcerer's Stone

"Moronic though some of this class undoubtedly are, I expect you to scrape an 'acceptable' in your O.W.L., or suffer my ... displeasure."

and

"I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death — if you aren't as big a bunch of dunderheads as I usually have to teach."

- J.K. Rowling, spoken by Severus Snape

"Using defensive spells?" Professor Umbridge repeated with a little laugh. "Why, I can't imagine any situation arising in my classroom that would require you to use a defensive spell, Miss Granger. You surely aren't expecting to be attacked during class? "I do not wish to criticize the way things have been run in this school," she said, an unconvincing smile stretching her wide mouth, "but you have been exposed to some very irresponsible wizards in this class, very irresponsible indeed - not to mention," she gave a nasty little laugh, "extremely dangerous half-breeds."

- J.K. Rowling, spoken by Dolores Umbridge

"Greatness inspires envy, envy engenders spite, spite spawns lies. You must know this, Dumbledore."

- J.K. Rowling, spoken by Lord Voldemort

...lastly, the coolest vampire ever, The Vampire Lestat (not exactly villain, though.)

"You do get wiser when you've lived hundreds of years; but you also have more time to turn out as badly as your enemies always said you might."

and

"It's an awful truth that suffering can deepen us, give a greater luster to our colors, a richer resonance to our words. That is, if it doesn't destroy us, if it doesn't burn away the optimism and the spirit, the capacity for visions, and the respect for the simple yet indispensable things."
- Anne Rice, spoken by the character The Vampire Lestat in The Queen of the Damned

To Rowane

To Rowane

*Because you're asking for a list of things to read (on the Philosophical side)

1 The Devil's Dictionary, by Ambrose Bierce- Hilarious. Satirical and witty. It's like 500 pages of word definitions that will make you laugh AND think. This one's reeaaally good.

2 Thus Spake Zarathustra, by Friedrich Nietszche- This is where the famous "God is dead" statement came from.

3 Medea, by Euripedes- A lesson on feminism, racism, chauvinism, morality and, of course, mythology. Features Jason of the Argonauts as an extreme ass.

4 1984, George Orwell- If you read this you'll never look at "Big Brother" the same way ever again.

5 The Animal Farm, George Orwell- Allegory on communism. Amusing. Disturbing. Amusing.

6 Mein Kampf, Adolf Hitler- Disturbing. Cruelly brilliant.

7 Dialogo, by Galileo Galilei- Haven't read it in full yet, just saw it on "Great Books" on Discovery Channel. I remember Simplitio. Hahaha. *If you know him then you know why I'm laughing.

8 The Republic, by Plato- Again, not in full. Idealistic and rather unreal, but he makes sense from the "philo" standpoint.

9 The Prince, by Niccolo Machiavelli- Reads like a textbook, but somewhere in the mumbo-jumbo of words there are real gems of thought, like:"If harm must be done to a man, then it should be so severe that his vengeance need not be feared."and"It is better to be feared than to be loved."

10 Young Goodman Brown, by Nathaniel Hawthorn- Creepy gloom and doom of the finest kind. Amazing short story. Will leave you amazed.11 The Second Sex, by Simone de Beauvoir- The handbook of feminism.

*Really really good writers (for light reading)

1 Sidney Sheldon- Take it from someone who's read 14 of the 18 novels. (Yes I am a fan.) The best in my opinion is "The Master of the Game," closely followed by "The Sands of Time," "The Windmills of the Gods," and "If Tomorrow Comes." Aack. I wanna write all the titles. I think I have a list with summaries of that somewhere in this blog... Sometime during the summer...

2 Kathy Reichs- I have 6 of her 9 novels. What's good about her is the facts and the way that the story is delivered. Also because she is a real forensic anthropologist like her heroine Temperance Brennan.

3 Patricia Cornwell- Like Kathy Reichs.

4 Jefferey Deaver- Seriously. You are missing half of your life if you've never read his "The Vanished Man." All the Lincoln Rhyme novels are GOOD. I swear.

5 Michael Crichton- Really good sci fi action mysteries. He wrote Jurassic Park, The Lost World, Sphere, The Terminal Man, Next, Prey, The Andromeda Strain, The Rising Sun, Timeline, A Case of Need, and Congo. These are all movie material plots. Extremely fascinating books.

6 Louis Sachar- Young adult books. The Wayside Stories (3 books) are hilarious. You will never stop laughing.

7 Stephen King- Duh. Read his short stories and your life will never be the same. Hahaha. "Night Shift" is one collection that includes tales like "Children of the corn" and "Jerusalem's Lot."

8 Christopher Pike- Like Stephen King. But his protagonists are often teenagers, as I've seen from the 8 books I read. *Kim, borrow if you have new ones! Hahaha.

9 John Grisham- Ah, the law. My personal favorite is "The Firm." He has a lot of books out there... All about the law. And he makes it interesting. It's cool. Hahahaha. I remember this anecdote:"In law school, there was a student who forgot to study for his exams. When the papers were returned, his teacher's comment read,'You have a real talent for fiction.' " Yeah, that became John Grisham. I swear, his books are good.

10 Dan Brown- I am seriously wondering why he stopped at four books. Anyway. The best (and it's still my favorite after all this time) is Angels and Demons. Second best, Deception Point. Then Da Vinci Code. Then Digital Fortress.

--------------------NO I AM NOT A BOOKWORM.