Random Rants on College

I have been a college student for... hmmm... let's see... exactly thirty days.

UP Diliman has been nothing short of a surprise. In some ways, there were pleasant changes.

And in some ways... I guess I discovered that there were things I didn't think I'd miss about high school that I'm craving for right now.

Flashback. The last few months of high school, I really wanted to get out. Out of the small, secluded world I was in. (Notice how I keep using I. As Jessica Zafra once said, "It's postmodernism." Haha! Okay, whoever got that joke is a bookworm.) Anyway, as I was saying, I was getting tired of seeing the same people everyday, eating the same food (chicken, anyone?) taking the same classes, and walking through the same three-story building over and over again.I wanted a change. Something new in my dismal, dreary life. Oh, well. Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it.

I know that college is part of growing up. It's just another step one must take. I also know things change and they change fast.
The changes that I went through these past few weeks were not altogether unforeseen. But as always, there's a big difference between what is perceived, or imagined, and what is tangible and actually happening.

I guess one of the biggest changes is the school itself. Literally. I went from the aforementioned three-story building high school to a, uh, i don't even know how many buildings there are in Diliman and it's rather unnerving. My wild guess would be there are more than 20. (I suck at estimates. Peace.) And they have a minimum of three stories each. Imagine the panic of a freshie on a first day... I think I said "Where the freaking hell is (insert name of building/room)?!?" about a hundred times before I got my act straightened out.

Back in my school, we didn't even have a gym. We had a "quadrangle," approximately one-fourth of the sunken garden, which served as an assembly ground, program venue, basketball court, badminton court, CAT and PE drill ground, nature park and basically an after-school hangout. Pragmatic, I know. As for the library, it was one classroom and most of the time it was closed. Now, I actually have to ride a jeep to get to the gym. Not good during the I'm-running-really-late mornings. The library is always open, and is bigger than my old school. (Then again, my old school had approximately 800 people in it, teachers included and UPD has around 22,000.)

493 hectares is big. (Stating the obvious.) At first, I didn't actually know how big it was, and I was under the blissful assumption that I didn't have to go to the other buildings anyway. Yeah, right. If anybody wants to get slim and fit and all that jazz, go to UPD and jog there. You're guaranteed to get thinner if you run the length of the school; and even thinner if you study there.

As for the lessons themselves, I'm not complaining. I love my French class and Political Science is interesting (albeit depressing at times. I know this country has a problem, but when they get pointed out one by one you get the feeling this country is in very deep and suffocating s***.) I also have World Literature, which is just heaven for bookworms like moi. Math 11 is good. (For future notice to the mathematically challenged youth, ehem, who are given the choice between Math 11 and 14 or Math 17, take the former. That's IF you either don't like math or are not any good at it. Chances are, you're both. Wait, that's me. Upside, you have rather easy math every other day for two semesters. I'm not saying it's that easy. Nothing is. Downside... If you take 17, you only do math for one semester.)

[Segue. Sometimes people forget things. Sometimes they forget people. Bad. Hahaha. Just when you think you know someone. Pffft.]

Sometimes I think College, and life itself nowadays, is about thinking out of the box. Nobody's going to tell you what to do, because they probably think you can handle things by yourself. Maybe you can. Maybe you can't. Personally, I'd rather think I can. I don't wanna be scared of the big cruel world forever.

On another note, there are people who can influence you a lot. People who seem to want to make you change. Not always in a good way. Sometimes they make you want to change yourself and conform to some standard (or they're not aware of it, but they do.) I guess the best remedy to that is, in the words of Dan Humphrey to Serena van der Woodsen, "You don't let people tell you who you are, you tell them." I've had to repeat this to myself for the past few days. Hey, not my fault I have self-esteem the size of a corn kernel.

On, again, another note, life has a way of making you do things you don't want to do. It's like divine intervention and it's up to you if you're going to take the challenge or not.

Here's what I think is the second biggest change: the people. I guess I got used to my small world. I wanted to leave it, right? So I got the chance. Now I realize I shouldn't have gotten tired of it too soon. But really, nothing beats the familiarity of a tightly-knit environment. The teachers in college are much more impersonal. If you don't go to class, they don't care. I guess it's because they have so many students they can't be close to each one. (I'll try not to slip into nostalgia too much.) I really miss my old Journalism teacher, Ms. Frias. I swear, she's the nicest human being ever. Sure, she was kind of tough as a teacher, but as a person, she's the best friend you can ever find. I owe her a lot. (Mandsci people be nice. Do the school paper on time. Haha. Look who's talking now. *evil laugh*)It was nice when the teachers were so... I don't know... friendly is the closest word I can think of. I'm sure some people understand what I mean. To those who don't... Hmm... You'll find out sooner or later. As for friends... We-ell... It's not that hard to find friends in college. The people who're going to have a tough time with this are those with trust issues. Wait. That's me, too. But people are generally very friendly if you're friendly. And you get blockmates... A lot like classmates except you only have one or two classes together. (My blockmates are great, if I may say so myself. And our handlers are some of the coolest people I've ever met.) And you can still hang out with your old friends from high school. It's nice to have something stable in a world that's rapidly changing, and you take each chance you get.

***Life, today, for me, is a lot of things.

Sometimes it's like trying to hold water in my cupped hands. No matter what I do or how hard I try to hold on, the water still escapes my grasp.

Sometimes, it's like one of those desserts I just can't get enough of. I keep biting and chewing and swallowing everything and I hope it never runs out.

Sometimes, it's like I'm walking forward while looking back. It's hard to see where I'm going when that happens.

Sometimes it's like being lost in the labyrinth... And the Minotaur comes in the form of the prospect of failing grades.

Sometimes, it's one magnanimous conquest. I'm Magellan, or Napoleon, or Alexander the Great and I feel like I can do anything I set my mind to.

Sometimes, it's depressing as hell.

Sometimes, even when I'm tired and weary and I have a ton of things to do, I just have to write it all down because that's the only way to capture the moment in my life that I'm probably going to miss when I take the next step. I made that mistake once I'm not going to again. :-)