The Chemical Kinetics of Flings and, oh, Happy Birthday Dear!

It's official, Rowane Fesalbon is eighteen. That means two of the thirteen Dears can already go to jail. :))

She had her party last night at Club Mwah, which, as my friend Chito says, probably cost enough to pay for our tuition fees for the rest of our college lives. Chito studies in Mapua, so in my case that already includes my Masters Degree.

Dress count was five or six. She looked gorgeous, by the way, just refer to the Multiply sites if you know her. My favorite part was the Egyptian dance. She seriously looked like Cleopatra there. Worst part? Well, I don’t know if it was that bad but to me it was pretty crazy: the 18 candles’ dance number, a (con)fusion of Rowane’s friends, family members, and members of Kundirana, to the tune of Sexy Love. Modern day cotillion.

On another note, I shall now attempt to explain the development of a fling through Chemical Kinetics. No reason, really, I just feel like it.

A fling is a quirk in the fabric of space-time, defined by Webster as a brief period of pleasures. It is often preceded by flirting and succeeded by Step 6 in what I like to call the extended edition of Levinger’s ABCDE model of intimate relationships: Forgetting.

For a reaction (the fling) to take place, the reacting particles have to collide. As we all know, not all collisions are effective (that's why some people get stood up, and some others get dumped, etcetera). Now, for a collision to take place, there has to be proper orientation of the particles (same mindset, same interests, same purpose for being in a certain place). There also has to be sufficient energy to make the reaction happen. (When everything's hyped up by internal or external stimuli, then that part becomes easy.) This is called the activation energy, and it has to be present during the reactants' transition stage (in this case, the flirting stage). The presence of a catalyst also helps, because it speeds up the reaction without detriment to itself. (In fling development, the catalyst is usually another person.) I'm talking about the extremely fast reaction because like I said this is a space-time oddity. But when the fling does happen, it will eventually fail because the reaction does not become stable. It is a law of nature that for things to become stable, they must have low energy. By orientation, flings are emotionally charged, and thus the energy is too high. Blame the dopamine and the notable absence of oxytocin.

Segue, the chemical patterns of love and certain mental illnesses like OCD are alike. Not that I’m saying “love” is present in most flings, because people are not likely to recognize the emotions present in flings as “love.” And what is it if not a social construct anyway.

Okaaay. I'm taking the train back to reality now. I have to face one more paper and two more final exams (Math 14-Trigonometry and Social Science 3- Gender and Sexuality) before my summer officially starts on the first of April. I want everything to go as planned, heaven forbid another episode of Murphy’s Law... Did I mention I was ONE HOUR LATE for my French 11 finals? Ouais. I took it in one hour whereas my classmates took it in two. Here's to hoping I passed. On a less depressing note, I'm already exempted from the Nat Sci 1 (Physics-Chemistry) finals. On another depressing note, the results for the Math 3rd test are already available, I’m just not looking at them. I don’t want the excrement to hit the ventilation just yet.

I seriously just want all of this to be over... The only bad thing about the summer is the heat. Otherwise, I'm perfectly fine with it, because it means I will be taking that much needed break. No summer classes!

Again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROWANE MAY AUSTRIA FESALBON!!!!!! We love you so much. Your debut was definitely something special. :)

Advanced "Happy Birthdays" to my only sister, Wakee (April 16—it’s her fifth) and to Marie Francoise Therese Portillo Salcedo (April 19—her eighteenth).

Okay, fine, it's written in the stars: I AM a Perfectionist

Copied from Francoise Salcedo, an elementary school friend.

Hey, I don't buy this kind of thing but I do need all the luck I can get. :))

Once you have opened this e-mail, there is no turning back. Below are true descriptions of zodiac signs. Read your sign, and then forward it on, with your zodiac sign and label on the subject line. This is the real deal, try ignoring or changing it, and the first thing you'll notice is having a horrible day starting tomorrow morning - and it only gets worse from there.

CAPRICORN The Go-Getter (Dec 22 - Jan 19)Patient and wise. Practical and rigid. Ambitious. Tends to be Good-looking. Humorous and funny. Can be a bit shy and reserved. Often pessimistic. Capricorns tend to act before they think and can be Unfriendly at times. Hold grudges. Like competition. Get what they want. 20 years of good luck if you forward.

AQUARIUS - The Sweetheart (Jan 20 - Feb 18)Optimistic and honest. Sweet personality. Very independent. Inventive and intelligent. Friendly and loyal. Can seem unemotional. Can be a bit rebellious. Very stubborn, but original and unique. Attractive on the inside and out. Eccentric personality. 11 years of luck if you forward.

PISCES - The Dreamer (Feb 19 - Mar 20)Generous, kind, and thoughtful. Very creative and imaginative. May become secretive and vague. Sensitive. Don't like details. Dreamy and unrealistic. Sympathetic and loving. Kind. Unselfish. Good kisser. Beautiful. 8 years of good luck if you forward.

ARIES - The Daredevil (Mar 21 - April 19)Energetic. Adventurous and spontaneous. Confident and enthusiastic. Fun. Loves a challenge. EXTREMELY impatient. Sometimes selfish. Short fuse. (Easily angered.) Lively, passionate, and sharp wit Outgoing. Lose interest quickly - easily bored. Egoti stical. Courageous and assertive. Tends to be physical and athletic. 16 years of good luck if you forward.

TAURUS - The Enduring One (April 20 - May 20)Charming but aggressive. Can come off as boring, but they are not. Hard workers. Warm-hearted. Strong, has endurance. Solid beings who are stable and secure in their ways. Not looking for shortcuts. Take pride in their beauty. Patient and reliable. Make great friends and give good advice. Loving and kind. Loves hard -- passionate. Expresses themselves emotionally. Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums. Determined. Indulges themselves often. Very generous. 12 years of good Luck if you forward

GEMINI - The Chatterbox (May 21 - June 20)Smart and witty. Outgoing , very chatty. Lively, energetic. Adaptable but needs to express them selves. Argumentative and outspoken. Like change. Versatile. Busy, sometimes nervous and tense. Gossips. May seem superficial or inconsistent. Beautiful physically and mentally. 5 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

CANCER - The Protector (June 21 - July 22)Moody, emotional. May be shy. Very loving and caring. Pretty/handsome Excellent partners for life. Protective. Inventive and imaginative. Cautious. Touchy-feely kind of person. Needs love from others. Easily hurt, but sympathetic. 16 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

LEO - The Boss (July 23 - Aug 22)Very organized. Need order in their lives - like being in control. Like boundaries. Tend to take over everything. Bossy. Like to help Others. Social and outgoing. Extroverted. Generous, warm-hearted. Sensitive. Creative energy. Full of themselves. Loving. Doing the right thing is important to Leos. Attractive. 13 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

VIRGO - The Perfectionist (Aug 23 - Sept 22)Dominant In relationships. Conservative. Always wants the last word. Argumentative. Worries. Very smart. Dislikes noise and chaos. Eager. Hardworking. Loyal. Beautiful. Easy to talk to. Hard to please. Harsh. Practical and very fussy. Often shy. Pessimistic. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward. I am so not shy. Everything else applies... Maybe except the beautiful part. Eeek. :))

LIBRA - The Harmonizer (Sept 23 - Oct 22)Nice to everyone they meet. Can't make up their mind. Have own unique appeal. Creative, energetic, and very social. Hates to be alone. Peaceful, generous. Very loving and beautiful. Flirtatious. Give in too easily. Procrastinators. Very gullible. 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

SCORPIO - The Intense One (Oct 23 - Nov 21)Very energetic. Intelligent. Can be jealous and/or possessive. Hardworking. Great kisser. Can become obsessive or secretive. Holds grudges. Attractive. Determined. Loves being in long Relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Can be self-centered at times. Passionate and Emotional. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

SAGITTARIUS - The Happy-Go-Lucky One (Nov 22 - Dec 21)Good-natured optimist. Doesn't want to grow up (Peter Pan Syndrome). Indulges self. Boastful. Likes luxuries and gambling. Social and outgoing. Doesn't like responsibilities. Often fantasizes. Impatient. Fun to be around. Having lots of friends. Flirtatious. Doesn't like rules. Sometimes hypocritical. Dislikes being confined - tight spaces or even tight clothes. Doesn't like being doubted. Beautiful inside and out 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward

Send away!!~ Ready, set, go!

1-3 people = 1 minute of luck

4-7 people = 1 hour of luck

8-12 people = 1 day of luck

13-17 People = 1 week of luck

18-22 people = 1 month of luck

23-27 people = 3 Months of luck

28-32 people = 7 months of luck

33-37 people = 1 year of luck

It's Just Stupor Mundi* Please Enjoy the Party

Written as a Nat Sci 1 reaction paper to the Orion (Jan-Feb 2004) magazine article, “The Chemistry Between Us” by Robert Michael Pyle. Inspired by Valerie Bloom. Dedicated to Alisa Baleva-- Man that PolSci Test was BAD. Go Sabaw! :))

It’s Just Stupor Mundi*
Please Enjoy the Party

Invited was I to a friend’s party this week
I went, lest be deemed an antisocial freak
The food looked marvelous, what can I say
And twice as good as I didn’t pay
An acquaintance, a friend of a friend is she
Chatted me up, as casual as can be
She looked at the noodles on my plate
Sighed and said “Monosodium Glutamate”
I said “Pardon, what do you mean?”
She replied, “On eating I wouldn’t be keen
The ham, in preservatives, was soaked
The cow ate herbicides before it croaked
Even the chicken of the sea kills
Because they ingest our oil spills
Oh, and fish are swimming in a dynamite sea
So I wouldn’t eat it if you were me”
I laughed and said, “Paranoid, are you,
I’m not biting off more than I can chew

Chemicals are in food, I know
But nowadays that’s the way to go”
She stared as I reached for a baguette,
I said “You’d like this one, I bet”
“No thank you,” came the reply,
There are free radicals even in pie

And don’t let me get started on the bread
I hear they have Bromate and Lead
Well those sandwiches do make me shudder
What of the Salmonella in peanut butter
And the water, people ignore me when I chide
But I just know it has Cyanide
That turkey is fat and fatty still with basting
Carcinogens are now among us thriving
And don’t touch the pickles in that jar
Do you know the effects of too much vinegar?”
“Where do you get this stuff?” I asked in awe
“In a science feature I once saw”
“Well then, to fruits and vegetables let’s turn
But do even they make your stomach churn?”
“Why, just imagine how that banana tastes
What with all the industrial wastes
And that corn, it still has pesticide
Tomatoes are genetically modified
A lot of those vegetables can cause pain
They might have been in an acid rain
The turnip is just as bad, I guess
The ground is fraught with toxic substances--
Avoid by all means that chicken sauté
‘Drenched in saturated fats,’ one can say
Fowl turns foul by all means
And think of the bacteria in those beans
You’d avoid grilled meat if you were smart
Lest you want platinum in your heart
Oh, those safe-looking appetizers
Are five and twenty fertilizers
Have you heard of Formalin in the juice?
I hope that was just a ruse
Milk has Mercury in the Flan, so that I won’t eat
You do know that death is a one-way street”
The conversation I should have given up
Out of politeness I turned to my cup
She said, “I hope that isn’t tea
Those leaves have chemicals, don’t you see”
“Well everything has chemicals,” I replied
I hope I didn’t sound too snide
“Chemicals are not all detrimental
In medicine they are sensational”
She picked up a can of chilled soda
Commented on the effects of too much cola
Looked at a man drinking gin and tonic
“Might as well be drinking Arsenic”
Then I wondered how right she was
How much truth in the information she has
And if there was veracity in what she said
Should I let it get to my head?
How will I enjoy this lifetime, fleeting
If threats in everything I keep seeing?
Laudability is married to culpability
When dealing with chemical insanity
Maybe that’s just the consequence
Of dabbling with the quintessence
The solutions are the problems too
The future is quite inconnu
And then she said “Au revoir,” with a curtsey
Smiled and added, “Enjoy the Party.”



*Literally translated: “The bewilderment of the world."

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

By Maya Angelou

The free bird leaps

on the back of the wind

and floats downstream

till the current ends

and dips his wings

in the orange sun rays

and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks

down his narrow cage

can seldom see through

his bars of rage

his wings are clipped and

his feet are tied

so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings

with fearful trill

of the things unknown

but longed for still

and his tune is heard

on the distant hill

for the caged bird

sings of freedom.

The free bird thinks of another breeze

and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees

and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn

and he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams

his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream

his wings are clipped and his feet are tied

so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings

with a fearful trill

of things unknown

but longed for still

and his tune is heard

on the distant hill

for the caged bird

sings of freedom.

I love this poem. Just wanted to post something. Must get back to work now. Good luck with the last two/three weeks of school, everybody. :)

Ang Kiri: (Attempt at) A Sarsuela Review

I admit, I've never watched a sarsuela before. A "sarsuela" was just a concept in my Social Studies and Literature classes, with no relevance to my everyday life. And with so much Disneyfication and Walmarting going on, it’s hard to keep in touch with the traditions. Sadly, popular media in the Philippines does absolutely nothing to alleviate the fact.

February was UP’s Buwan ng Sarsuela, a month-long celebration of the tradition that the Spanish incorporated into our culture. “Ang Kiri” was written by Servando de los Angeles in 1926, and the music was written by Leon Ignacio. Due to a requirement in Pan Pil 12, I watched Ang Kiri-- and was extremely glad that I did.

The direction was good, the back-up dancers made a lot of mistakes, the songs had crazy notes in them, the singers were definitely bringing it, and the Filipino was sometimes too deep for me to understand. There were definitely moments when I wished I brought a dictionary along. There was also a brilliant blend of traditional and contemporary elements in both the humor and script.

The "Kiri," or "Flirt," was Sesang, a woman who seemed like the type who could get whoever she wanted. Beautiful, charming, vivacious, captivating and seductive when she wanted to be.

Her loyal suitor was Pepe, a writer who had no riches to offer to the ambitious Sesang. She was, however, in the rhetorical sense, owned by Don Ramon, who paid for her every whim and fancy. Don Ramon was unaware that there were also two other men who financed her lifestyle, which consisted of parties, parties and more parties. Sesang's right-hand man (?) was Amboy, a quirky helper who scheduled the three men's visits to make sure they didn't run into each other.

Surrounded by so many people, Sesang felt alone.

They called her a glorified prostitute, but there wasn't any indication that that was what she set out to be. She was probably looking for love, but when she instead found money, she took what she was given. That also spawned her negative view of men in general.

The trouble started when she laid eyes on young Jacinto, a quintessential probinsyano and the boyfriend of Sesang's modista, Pilar. One thing led to another, and before long Jacinto moved in with Sesang. I think his reason was at first economic-- Sesang had the money he didn't, and all she was asking for was love. (Sesang and Jacinto became the same sort of people, in a sense.)

And here Sesang really did fall for Jacinto, much to the chagrin of Pilar, Don Ramon, and Jacinto's mother. Pilar gave Sesang a dramatic confrontation, which endeared her to the audience. Both she and Sesang were from the province, but Pilar emphasized that people have a choice for all their actions. Don Ramon kicked both Jacinto and Sesang out of the house. When Jacinto's mother got wind of the unbecoming liaison her son was keeping, she paid them a visit. Sesang tried to impress her, but her reputation was something that the old lady could not overlook. She ordered Jacinto to go back to their province lest she disowns him, and he obeyed-- and later married Pilar.

Amboy, the servant, decided all this was too much drama for him/her and left, saying that even if he wasn’t rich and was just a servant, his dignity was intact and that was all that mattered.

This left Sesang as alone as ever (and made for the second most beautiful scene in the play: Sesang in white with the spotlights on her, everything else in the background dim, everyone else wearing black. It was here that Jacinto and Pilar tied the knot while Sesang was crying her heart out, and it was just so striking.)

Pepe came to Sesang’s aid, but instead of winning her over, she decided to run after Jacinto, not knowing that he was already married. Meanwhile, Don Ramon tried to find other women he could pay for love, but decided that none of them would do. He decided to run after Sesang.

The culmination of the drama was in Pilar and Jacinto’s hometown, where Sesang rejected Don Ramon and Pepe, and Jacinto rejected her. He actually seemed guilty and wanted to comfort her but Pilar pulled him away.

Again, Sesang was alone in the middle, as she realized that the reason she was alone was because she was trying too hard not to be. A caption for the scene ran through my head, courtesy of Emilio Jacinto: “Ating hanapin ang liwanag, tayo’y huwag mabighani sa ningning.” The sparkle of her lifestyle blinded her and made her forget who she was. She realized that she needed to see the light, to find herself, to change... and she could only do it if she was alone. (And thus the most dramatic scene, a silent Sesang in all her glory, standing in front of the closed curtains, with the black-and-white words “Ang Kiri” in the background.)

This sarsuela definitely brings forth a healthy dose of catharsis. As Aristotle said in “The Poetics,” a good drama must always give catharsis to the audience. It is the feeling of pity for the character fated for ruin (not because she/he was evil but because there is an innate flaw in her/his personality) and at the same time the fear that her/his flaw is also yours. Sesang’s flaw is that she was afraid to be alone. She was willing to forget herself for love. She was also willing to hurt other people to get it.

In the end, “Ang Kiri” makes us reexamine ourselves. Like Sesang, will we also be blinded by the sparkle and forget to look for the light? What will our fear of being alone make us do? How much are we willing to give, just to have somebody love us? How far are we willing to go for affection? Will our own search for love be our ultimate ruin? And when all is said and done, will we be able to rise from the ashes?

Stepford Wives and Other Sexuality Related Things

(Part One, Stepford Wives-inspired thoughts; Part Two, an extremely annoying article I found the other day)

A: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.

B: Men are from Earth, Women are from Earth: LIVE WITH IT.

I read Stepford Wives today.
I know I've told one or two people that I've "been reading" it. In truth, it has been sitting on my desk for a month, on the "read-this-before-buying-another-one" pile, (a label which flatly contradicts what I've been doing, by the way) subclassified under "books-I-can-read-in-two-hours." It's short. Last night when I got home after a frustrating tryst with the bureaucracy, I decided to stay away from all the papers I have to do and just read.

One thing that's been keeping me from reading is that I saw the movie.With Nicole Kidman in it, not the original 1976 one. I was afraid it would be boring. (Note: "Boring" is not an excuse to not read something. Machiavelli's The Prince is boring as hell, but when you're done with it you take away happy little odds and ends of philosophy. I'm not saying you'd like his philosophy, but hey. At least you'd have something to measure Mein Kampf with.)

The Stepford Wives novel is creepier by, say, 45 percent than the movie. Although I would be surprised if it wasn't. I mean, Ira Levin wrote it. Ira Levin of Rosemary's Baby. RB is less creepy than The Omen (I only half-read the novelization, so I guess that counts for that). And while we're on the subject, The Exorcist by William Peter Blatty (novel, not novelization) is infinitely creepier than the movie. It haunts me to this day. If you want really creepy, read Stephen King's short stories. Emphasis on last two words. I find his novels to be needlessly dragging... Like an old professor on a power trip. I remember that there was, in a compilation of his short stories "Night Shift," a particular one titled "The Doorway," which is my all time most goosebump-inducing story, with "Young Goodman Brown" by Hawthorne as close second in the SS category. A story in there called "Trucks" might have, through some sort of pixie-dust-distortion, inspired the Disney movie "Cars." When I think of it that way, the animated feature is a nightmare, literally.

Segue: I've been hearing a lot lately that I sound like I swallowed a couple hundred novels, because that's all I talk about. I don't know what to make of it. I know the statement is a hyperbole, but what do you want me to talk about?

Technical criticism of Stepford Wives: Too many italics. Seriously.

This is not a book review. The reason I'm writing about it is because it sparked my sense of feminism. (Then again, almost everything does.) In the novel, Joanna Eberhart is a stay-at-home mom of two kids and part time shutterbug who got stuck in a town of uncomplaining hausfraus. She is an avid supporter of the Women's Lib, so you can guess how she felt about "women not having external interests" other than housekeeping.

Are there people who are really like that? That is the most horrifying thing I've ever heard of, save for for being stuck in a room filled with kids. *Shudders*

Anyway. When people get married, the women take the names of their husbands, right? Question: WHY??? In this novel, the women were repeatedly referred to as, say, "Mrs. Alan Hollingsworth." I think Levin was trying to drive home a point by doing that. Lately we've been discussing sexism in Soc Sci 3, and this was one of the cases. The law allows for a woman to legally retain her name after marriage, but that's only a load of blah. Even if the couple file the necessary paperwork, all the woman's records get changed all the same. Some institutions even make this a requirement. It's like pre-marriage-you never even happened.

Those invitations that read Mr. and Mrs. (name of man) never fail to make me cringe. Where is the separation of identity? Where is the individuality? When you get married you get scratched out to a mere "Mrs." on the nameplate? For all the movement toward equality, why hasn't anybody thought of scratching this practice? Give me practical reasons. For convenience? Is it such a bother to write down two names, seeing as you're addressing two people? Are a few extra keystrokes that troublesome? Is an extra drop of ink detrimental to your budget? And if you're going to argue that it's, er, romantic, two words for you: Benevolent Sexist.

Sorry. The name thing really freaks me out. But as someone in our class pointed out, people do not see anything wrong with it, seeing as it conforms with tradition. Yes, but some traditions are sexist. Some? *Thinks of exception* Uhh.

Tradition does not justify sexism-- just because you're used to it doesn't mean it's fair. (And for all the ambivalence of the concept of fairness, I'd need five thousand more words to explain, so let's not go there today.)

Brief example. FGM, or female genital mutilation. The UN (relatively) recently declared this a violation of human rights, but before they did the practice was widespread in parts of Africa. Some tribes still practice it today. The goal was to remove the clitoris, with the assumption that women should only feel pain during intercourse-- and, hello, with all the non-sterile blades they use, make that 'everyday of their lives.'

Tradition? Yes. Fair? You tell me.

I remember something about the Babaylans before the Spanish occupation. The Babaylans, or women priestesses, had a lot of power over the people of their respective tribes. When the patriarchal Spanish arrived, they were horrified by this role reversal and demoted the Babaylan to evil witches. Taadaaa.

Back to Stepford. I think there was also quite a bit of discrimination against the males in the story, because the basic assumption was they all wanted a 1930s housewife who wanted nothing more than to do the housework, cater to their every need, agree with everything they say, and never ever complain. If you know any males who actually fit the description, kindly shoot them. Burn their bodies, just in case. (Sorry, I can only stay objective for so long.)

"I got beat by a girl. It's the most embarassing thing that's ever happened to me." --- Zach, from the Suite Life

Conforms with tradition and norms? Yes. Fair? I really don't think so. It's a rather hurtful statement. And yet... You hear things like that a lot and nobody questions them.

Same goes for gender roles, or "the social, cultural, and psychological aspects that pertain to traits, norms, roles, etc. considered typical and desirable for those whom society has designated as female or male."

Male gender roles: anti-feminine element, success element, aggressive element, sexual element, and self-reliant element. Female gender roles: motherhood and marriage mandate.

Those female gender roles make me want to bang my head against the wall in frustration and annoyance. If anybody ever tells me to fufill either of those two mandates, they can expect a wrath-filled reply, coupled with blows of violence. And if you know me personally you know I'm not kidding.

“[W]oman is misbegotten and defective." -- St. Thomas Aquinas

I never liked St. Thomas. Nor Richard von Kraft Ebbing, a psychiatrist during the 1930s who said "Women can not be properly sexual without men." As in, women do not have a separate sexuality, and they are only women when they are with men. Beyond that they have no sexual identity.

Another thing... Sexual double standards.

Example of a sexual double standard: when a man has many sexual partners, it is accepted and even lauded. When a woman has many sexual partners, she is dirty and disgusting.
It's related to the Madonna-Whore dichotomy: women are either saints or sluts, no grey area. Just ask Pope St. Gregory the Great. He said, "Woman’s use is twofold: harlotry or maternity."
That's obviously not a fair way of looking at things.

There are concepts that have worked their way into the subconscious of entire nations, and most of them are considered "proper" and "normal." Nobody bothers to think about them anymore, stopping at the "what" and failing to look at the "why."
Someone once wrote that if you truly want to understand something, then you have to unlearn what you know.

Definitely easier said than done.

...

I found something in someone's site and I just had to copy and react. (Emphasis on the 'copy' part, since there are unforgivable grammatical errors here.) No offense, old friend, just me going about my normal bashing business.

Written in yellow is the article itself, the purple words are mine.

what girls need to realizePosted by ******* on Jan 7, '09 6:36 AM for everyone

We don't care if you're friends with other guys.
But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off.
It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there.
--- Let me see how I can put this. You know the green-and-blue planet where we live? Yeah. It doesn't revolve around you.

We don't care if a guy calls OR TEXTS you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned.
Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. that it can't wait till the morning.
--- Does it ever cross your mind that your idea of "important" might not be another person's idea of important? For instance: if someone texted me at 2 AM that the release date of ISBN 978-0007241019 was moved from May 4 to March 4, I would be ecstatic and would consider that very important. On the other hand, a non-Michael Crichton fan would give absolutely no damn about the release of his posthumous book. You can't simply say that "nothing is that important at 2 a.m." because some things are.

Also, when we tell you you're pretty/ beautiful/ gorgeous/cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it.
Don't tell us we're wrong.
We'll stop trying to convince you.
--- What the hell? I can't point out exactly what's wrong with that comment. My head is too busy coming up with swear words. "We'll stop trying to convince you." Aaaah, egocentrism afflicts many.

The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence.
Yeah, you can quote me.
--- Why would I want to? It's not like I can't find what you just said in a thousand other sites where they claim to know more than they do.

Don't be mad when we hold the door open. Take Advantage of the mood im in.
--- Nom de dieu de bordel de merde... It's like girls don't have the same body parts needed to open a door.

Let us pay for you!
Don’t "feel bad"
We enjoy doing it.
It's expected.
--- EXACTLY. Social construct junkie alert. Just because "it's expected" is neither excuse nor reason to do it. You have a mind of your own you don't have to follow everything everybody else says. --- Equality is founded on many respects, and one of them is "economic."

Smile and say "thank you."
--- Ah. If only my professor (Bea Torre, Gender and Sexuality, UP Psych Department) could hear you. She'd give you a lecture on why prescriptive statements are bad. This is like a dating script taken to the extreme.

Kiss us when no one's watching.
If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed.
--- Eh?

You don't have to get dressed up for us.
If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own.
--- Okay, am I really reading this? Sounds like most of the girls you've been going out with have been... *insert very derogatory word here*

We like you for who you are and not what you are.
--- Cliche. Wonder where the concept of objectification came from. Obviiiiously not from you, since you have never objectified in your life.

honestly, I think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's. or my shirt and boxers, not all dolled up
--- "Your" shirt and boxers? Reminds me of that inane song... T-shirt, by some girl who doesn't have a life.

Don't take everything we say seriously.
Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it.
--- Did you just say girls don't understand sarcasm? I challenge you to a sarcasm match right now. My opening statement: YOU ARE THE MOST BRILLIANT WRITER EVER.

Don't get angry easily.
--- Seriously, though, why are you dictating things like this? What makes you think you have the qualifications to dictate how people should react?

Stop using magazines/media as your bible.
--- Oh, yeah, because you would neeeever do that.

"Don't talk about how hott Chris Brown, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is in front of us".
It's boring, and we don't care. You have friends for that.
--- Oh. My. God. Comments like this are priceless. File under "ammunition against the male species."

Whatever happened to the word "handsome"/"beautiful"?
I’d be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with "Hey handsome!" instead of "Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy" or whatever else you can think of.
--- Who does that???

on the other hand I’m not saying I wouldn't like it ether
--- Okay, the point of the former statement is...? *Ether? Haha.

Girls, I cannot stress this enough: if you aren't being treated right by a guy, dont wait for him to change. ditch his sorry ASS, he's a disgrace to the male population and find someone who will treat you with utter respect
--- "OPTIMISM, n. The doctrine, or belief, that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right that is wrong. It is held with greatest tenacity by those most accustomed to the mischance of falling into adversity, and is most acceptably expounded with the grin that apes a smile. Being a blind faith, it is inaccessible to the light of disproof -- an intellectual disorder, yielding to no treatment but death. It is hereditary, but fortunately not contagious." - Bierce

Someone who will honor your morals.
Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest.
Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes.
Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel.
--- Because they're masochistic...? Or because they're imaginary?

Someone who will stop what they're doing just to look you in the eyes....and say "i love you" ..and actually mean it.
--- How deliriously sappy.

Give the nice guys a chance
--- See: "optimism"

Guys repost this if you agree
Girls repost this if you think it's cute
--- Oh, I think what you wrote is a lot of things, cute is not one of them.

Every Guy who isn't a jerk will agree with this, so we hope that all the girls that read this will repost this
--- You believe in yourself too much. I feel sorry for you already.

*Holding Hands
Girls :If you want to hold his hand, gently bump into it a couple of times.
Guys : Grab it if it happens more than once.
--- Again, what qualifications do you have for dictating this?

*Cuddling
Girls : When you want to cuddle with him, tell him you're cold
Guys : Automatically move closer to her.
--- You sound like a computer program.

*Movies
Girls : During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your head on his shoulder
Guys : Lift her chin up and kiss her.
--- You should write a screenplay. I'm not saying somebody's going to buy it, I'm just saying you should channel your "creativity" through another medium. Maybe you could even write a self-help book, since you seem to have a predilection for telling people what to do.

*Loving each other
Guys : When she tells you she loves you, look deep into her eyes, give her a peck on the lips, and tell her you love her too... And mean it.
--- "LOVE, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease, like caries and many other ailments, is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient." - Bierce

*Laying below the stars
Girls : When you're both laying under the stars, put your head on his chest and close your eyes as you listen to his steady heart beat
Guys : Whisper in her ear and link your hands with hers.
--- Have you ever thought of writing your own novel? You should collaborate with Stephenie Meyer, honey. You'd get a couple of bestsellers that twelve year old girls the world over will enjoy.

By 12 am tonight your one true love will realize how much they want you.
--- One. True. Love. Remember the part about sarcasm? Here's another one. I LOVE YOU.